The art of not caring too much.

So it happens to all of us. Work gets crazy busy, we don't have enough time to exercise, we can't see our friends, and things just won't stop. Stress can make any of us lose it a little bit and the long term health consequences are real. Stress causes all sorts of chronic illness and leads us to engage in unhealthy habits like overeating, drinking, and using drugs. Hectic times can't be avoided, but there are some one practice that is vital if you want to navigate these waters with as little stress as possible.

Hold your preferences and opinions lightly: Ok, so this is one of the toughest practices to develop as a habit, but it's probably one of the most transformational.

  Everyone, and I mean everyone has some perspective on everything that gets done. Even if that perspective is 'I don't care.' Very often people think there way is the best way. Usually there are several good ways to do something, but we start to identify with our way and then we get upset when things are done differently. Our way becomes us. An attack on our way, becomes an attack on us.

Now the truth. Our way, maybe it's the best, maybe not, but mostly it's just one of many opinions in the universe. Also it's probably not an especially important one. Now an opinion on whether or not you should give birth to a child, or kill living beings, that is an important preference. Mostly though our preferences are for the way we put silverware in a dishwasher, or the proper way to put on a roll of TP.

I have learned to let go of many these types of preferences. They just don't really matter that much in the long run and when they are challenged, I go, "You know this isn't really worth getting upset about."

It's a relief to do it, because then I'm not holding up this big sense of self. I don't have to lug around my silly ego manifested in 1000's of little tiny preferences and opinions. Life becomes simpler, but I don't lose my sense of power or self worth.

When something really matters to me I speak up and I speak up loud. When this happens people listen, because I don't  speak up about just anything. When I speak up I know it's important because I've let go of so many unimportant preferences go. Things that drove me up the wall and things I've fought about with ex-partners are no longer a big problem in my life.

So you may be wondering how to practice letting go of preferences. First, just notice when your preferences are coming up and pay attention to if they are really important or not. Next when something rubs you the wrong way learn to breath and let it go. Then repeat until you are getting really reactive then take a break. Finally, learn the difference between boundaries and preferences.

Boundaries keep you safe, but preferences keep you trapped in reactivity. While trying to let go of preferences notice those that make up your sense of integrity and well being. Part of the way you find you boundaries is by letting them get crossed. When I let go of preferences often I find that some preferences think are important, aren't and some that I saw as silly, are actually important to me.

Experiment and don't be afraid to talk to someone about getting reactive. It's not the getting reactive that is the problem, it's the stewing about it. Letting go of preferences isn't the same as holding it all in. The key, as always, is paying close attention to the little tricks our mind plays.

Letting go of preferences and opinions is a hard practice, but now that I have done it for years I can stay calm and cool in many situations. People tell me that I'm such a calm person and I'm convinced the reason why is that I have learned to hold myself lightly.

Try letting go of preferences this week. Start with some silly ones and go from there. Put the silverware in the 'wrong way,' roll that TP from the underside, and mostly have fun with it. When we see how silly we have been all these years it's less embarrassing, then hilarious.

Thanks for reading and Be Well
Gentoku
dharmatrainer.com

Why is it a good rule to not have rules?

Sure sure I've heard it before RULES! RULES! RULES! THEY TOTALLY RULE! Except  sometimes they sort of don't.

Rules are not a panacea ( panacea - n. A solution or remedy for all difficulties or diseases). They can be helpful in some situations, but very often they can actually impede the very thing that can create change in your life, AWARENESS!!! (oooo ahhh).

I love rules and who doesn't, they make life so simple. I just listen to this set of parameters my mind determines and everything will be fine.

I mean that's what makes human beings so great, it's our ability to blindly follow a set of instructions without question. Ok ok so you have you have probably picked up on my sarcasm at this point, but maybe not. I don't really think that following rules are what makes us unique animals.

Bees and Ants
Bee's and Ants are great because they follow set rules well and in some ways humans ability to follow rules has helped us, but what really make us unique is our ability to adapt and reflect.

Humans are unique in our ability to problem solve, but even more so we are unique in our ability to be aware of our awareness. We can reflect on whether or not we are being present in a situation and what our motivations are.

The key to adapting successfully is awareness, but all to often we rely on rules instead of awareness to guide us.  So let take the same situation and see what happens when we use rules instead of awareness to guide us.

Sally and The Cheese
Sally has lost alot of weight in the past, but has put some of it back on. She works out regularly, but feels like she has lost her way out of fitness. She notices she has some cheese in her fridge. She knows that if she has cheese, she will eat it, so she throws it out.

She decides no more cheese, but then another voice arises in her, perhaps one of not wasting food or maybe a voice that is comforted by cheese when she feels anxiety. She reconsiders takes the cheese out of the garbage, but then the rule voice reemerges, "NO CHEESE!" it says. So back in the trash with cheese.

She feels better, but is not quite sure what happened. She wishes she could be stronger, that she was just a normal person.

Mind Hunger
In this example, we can see all the forces at play for Sally, but she doesn't necessarily notice them. She is aware of only one kind of hunger: "Mind Hunger."

Mind hunger is hunger based on rules and regulations set up by our mind. All the facts and figures that you have in your head about how you eat, all the ideas you have about nutrition, and all the articles you have ever read about food are what make up mind hunger.

The problem with mind hunger and the rules that it makes up, is that they can either be followed or broken. It's a very black and white world, but this world only works we are feeling good and strong.

Heart Hunger
In the example above, there are all these other hungers and voices that Sally may not see. There is heart hunger, her need to be comforted. There is mouth hunger, her love of the taste of  things like cheese.

There is also likely some inner critic, Sally's internal voice that tells her she will fail. There is an inner coach that is telling her how to get in shape. All of these factors are hidden behind a wall of rules and morality.

Awareness
Now let's imagine what might happen if Sally was aware of all of her hungers and the voices that created this internal struggle over weight and cheese.

The situation is the same Sally has lost a lot of weight, but put some back on. She works out, but feels like she has let herself down in the fitness department. She notices a block of cheese in her fridge, she knows if she has cheese she will likely eat it, but she wants to get into shape. The urge to throw it out arises.

Curiosity
This time Sally notices the urge to throw it out and gets curious. Why does she want the throw out a perfectly good block of cheese? She notices that some voices are arising in her.One voice (the inner critic) is telling her she doesn't have the will power to have cheese and not eat it. Another voice (the inner coach) tells her she better get with the program, which means throwing out the cheese, getting on a stricter work out schedule, etc. etc.

She notices these voices and first acknowledges that some of the things they are saying really hurt. She is feeling sad and scared that she won't get her weight down to what she wants. Next she wonders if the voices are telling her the truth.

Will Power
Does she have no will power? No that's not true, she works out, she writes a blog, she has run long races before; so she must have will power. She may be more likely to eat cheese if she has it in her house, but overall she doesn't have a problem with will power. She can observe that she has a need for competency when it come to healthy eating habits, but she doesn't judge herself for not always making the best choices.

Sally wonders, Is the inner coach voice helpful? Well it does seem to be motivating her to make healthier choices, but it's technique is ignoring all of the complex needs that are coming up for her. It only see's a world where there are rules and she better follow them or else. She sees this voice can be helpful, but if she listens to it, without considering her needs, she will likely burn out and not be able to sustain a life-long transformation.

Comfort
Next she notices that when she is feeling stressed out or anxious about herself and her body she starts to feel empty inside. When she eats the cheese she is comforted by the flavor and how good it tastes. It feeds her heart hunger. She realizes that though she may throw the cheese out, she won't feel any better if she doesn't also find a way to feed that empty part of herself that is comforted by eating yummy cheese.

She also notices she eats cheese as a reward. She needs to do something to celebrate her successes. Again she notes that she can throw the cheese out, but that she needs to find some other way to reward herself for a job good done. She brainstorms other healthier ways to reward herself.

Finally she notices that she loves the crap out of cheese. She can throw the cheese out, but she can't throw her love of cheese out. Cheese satisfies her mouth hunger so much. She realizes that she doesn't want to stop eating cheese, but maybe she can just eat it less often. When she does buy it, maybe she just buys a bit less.

The Power of Reflection
After all this reflection, Sally feels better, she may not understand everything that's going on with her, but she has a much better idea. Sally acknowledges that these parts of her need to be honored, but that she does want to make healthier choices. She decides to throw the cheese out to support her desire to be fit, but does so with the awareness that it's just cheese she is throwing out, not all the things the get fed by eating cheese.

We can see in the second example how much more Sally was able to observe, by looking into all the motivations that lead to her inner conflict over the cheese.

In the first example she wants cheese, but she feels weak, so she must throw it out. In the second example she sees she is strong, but that she needs to find some more awareness to meet the needs she has arising. She wants to be in shape, but she wants to honor all the parts of her that need to be fed.

Change
The key to transformation is awareness  Until we see a bit of the internal show of our mind we are doomed to repeat our karmic patterns again and again. The world of fitness talks A LOT about will power, will power, will power, but that only takes you so far.

The truth is will power is just one part of your mind and you have to honor all the parts of your being if you want to become a new person.

It's like the difference between repainting a house versus rebuilding it's foundations. Will power can change how you look on the outside, but awareness changes how you think and feel on the inside in a deep and fundamental way.

Take some time this week to notice a unhealthy pattern you want to change. Reflect on the voices, feelings, needs, and motivations that arise in you. Write down what you notice and try to find a way to honor all the parts of yourself while making healthy choices.

You don't have to notice as much as Sally in our example. Even just a little small bit of awareness can make a big difference in your ability to transform your life.

Thanks for Reading and Be Well
Gentoku

I wrote this on my IPhone

I had a conversation with a friend recently about whether or not she should purchase an IPhone. I listened as she justified and unjustified the purpose of the purchase. She listed reason pros and cons about having or not having one. This is a pattern I have noticed often in my self and others.

It's funny that we do this. We decide we want something and then our mind goes into overdrive trying to figure out how to make sense of the desire. It comes up with reasons to agree with what we already want, in part to hide that really we just want it. Often we want it for simple reasons like peace, joy, and fun, but we feel we have to justify it.

When I reflect on what this mindset, I can see this little story and it goes: "I'm not that special I don't deserve x,y,or z, unless I can justify why it might make me special or a least mitigate my unspecialness.
By not letting ourselves treat and reward ourselves we perpetuate the mindset of not being worthy.

This past year I wanted to buy a new fancy road bike, but felt I had to justify it. After listening to me go through this process, my good friend Lashelle told me , "It's ok to just want something nice." I realized she was right and it felt so liberating.

I did buy the bike and instead of feeling like I was buying it to fix something wrong with me, I felt like I was buying it to celebrate all the hard work I had done. Just a small shift in my perspective allowed me to let go of that negative self talk just a little bit.

Take some time this week to celebrate yourself. You don't have to go out a buy something big or fancy, but take a few minutes to celebrate all the things you do to help other and yourself. In buddhism this is called reflecting on virtue.

Very often we don't give ourselves enough credit. So give your self a pat on the back already.

Thanks for reading and be well,
Gentoku

What's so great about impermanence anyway?

IMPERMANENCE! 

If you have practiced Buddhism or a few other eastern traditions at all you've heard about it, read about it, been admonished about it, and more. Even if you haven't you have experienced it. The ever changing now, the subtle shift of the winds, the endless march of time, whatever your preferred referent it's quite clear, all things are in a state of flux. Often impermanence gets a bad wrap as the thing that takes whatever we love away from us, but from the right perspective impermanence is also what gives life's it's special significance.

The moments we cherish very often signify change.  A great example of this is the sunset. People all over the world admire and relish the colors, the shifting light, the change in noises, that the sunset brings. The sunset embodies a moment of change. The sun moves all day long and maybe we notice the changing angles of light, the shift in temperature, but maybe we don't. In the Northwest United States, for example, the shift of the sun often occurs behind a curtain of impenetrable grey.

The sun set (or sun rise) is a time when the movement demands our attention, often with a dramatic effect. It signals that this day is ending, that even the huge forces that seem so stable to us are shifting in front of our very eyes. If you've ever sat and watched a sunset you know this to be true. The sun a massive ball of plasma, falls beneath the horizon faster than you realized it could. It's our attentiveness to this change that helps us see the beauty.

There are many other examples of beauty found this way in change, migrating birds, the opening of flowers, the first snow, the first spring shower, the first warm day of summer, and many more. These moments bring us into the present moment and show us that this flow of life is filled with an amazing vitality.

When I stand in the middle of one of these moments, I can feel my life sliding underneath me. Like that moment when the waves cross over one another at the beach. They seem like they are both coming out and going in all at once. This feeling is raw and scary, but it something I live to feel. It's this feeling that makes me realize how precious each grain of my life truly is.

Take some time this week and reflect on something that you enjoy watching change. Think about how changes in the day, the seasons, even the people around you create beauty in your life.

Change is what enables us to become new people to learn new things. It keeps everyday fresh and unexpected. It only becomes a problem when we fear it.

Thanks for reading and Be Well,
Gentoku
dharmatrainer.com

Whats the difference between a missed workout?

Some days you are going to miss your workout. I know a personal trainer shouldn't say things like that, right? Your workout schedule should always be maintained, ALWAYS!!! NO EXCUSES!!! The truth is there are going to be days when you just can't make it happen.

Perhaps your schedule got screwed up or perhaps something came up at work. You might come down with the flu or maybe your cat sat on your lap and you just can't bear to move the sweet feline. No matter what the reason it's not a reason to PANIC!!!

Everyone misses a workout now and again. I used to get really bothered during triathlon training season about missing workouts. Partly because workouts are what kept me sane, but also because I was afraid. I was afraid that if I took a misstep, I would fall off the path completely.

When you are first transforming your life this is very natural. It's likely you have some little internal critic warning you against the numerous failures and violations of trust you have committed against yourself in life. It's not something to be ashamed about we all do it. We start with good intention and we stumble off the path. In a way this voice's diligence is important for you to pay attention to. Missing workouts can become a pattern and a habit that develops into a longer trend.

The trick is how to tell the difference between an occasional exception and a growing rule. Here are a few tools you can use assure you are sticking to your workout plan.

1. Make weekly instead of daily goals - When you are setting your goals try to make weekly goals that you sometimes exceed. This way if you miss a day you can always make it up another day. By setting weekly goals you can shift your work out schedule to meet whatever needs arise.

In addition by setting weekly limits you'll be less likely to try to get a bunch of workouts in one week, to make up for the last week. Fitness doesn't really work like that, by breaking your schedule down into weekly chucks you can manage your progress. If last week didn't go great that's ok you can start up again this week. These short manageable commitments makes long term progress possible.

2. Commit to a max number of days between work outs- I've heard many people decide not to go more than two days without doing some sort of physical activity. This tool is simple you just set this standard and keep to it. This way if you workout daily and you miss a workout for some reason, it's alright you're within your limit, but after three days it's likely your slacking or making up excuses.

 The important part of regular exercise is the regular part. Even if it's just getting out for a short walk, if you make exercise part of your week you will be more likely to keep it up. Even if your max number of days is three or four, your rule can be your workout snooze button. If you decide you need an extra day to rest, your snooze button rule will make sure you don't slip into a prolonged no-exercise slumber.

3. Commit to a workout group or workout partner - Social pressure is a powerful thing, you might as well use it to your advantage when you can. If you know that you will have to meet with someone or a group of someones, you are more likely to make it to your workouts. In addition  knowing you will see others who are working out regularly will encourage you to stick to your fitness plan.

When I was training for Reach the Beach, a one hundred mile charity ride, I knew each week I was going to be meeting up with other riders to train. These were serious cyclists and if I was going to keep up with them each week, I needed to stick to my training schedule. Every time I got sick or took a day or two off, I would feel it on the weekend rides. These rides became something that I looked forward to, but were also a tool to keep me focused on my long term goals.

There are many way to find people to support you, getting a personal trainer is one of the best ways to do this, but so is meeting regularly with a workout group or just having a workout buddy. Having someone hold you accountable keeps you honest about your effort and helps you make sure you stick to your long term goals. A personal trainer, exercise group, workout buddy, or even just an active friend can inspire you with their dedication, commitment, or resilience, and often you can inspire them as well.

These are just a few of the tools you could use to make sure a missed workout doesn't become a pattern, but there are many others. Take some time this week and ask yourself, what can I use to keep myself on track? Are there any groups that will support my goals, or are there any friends who might have goals similar to my own? What will motivate me to keep going when life gets in the way? What are some other tools I can use to make sure I don't quit when my life gets complicated?

No matter what your commitment to fitness is and what your goals are, using these tools to help keep you on track can make the difference between a short term change and a life long transformation. A missed workout is no big deal, but every  Often we put too much emphasis on personal will power in fitness. Sure having will power is great, but having support is even better. It's not about doing it all on our own, instead its about just getting it done.

Thanks for reading and Be Well,
Gentoku

What are 3 Virtues You Can Get By Waking Up Early?

First off I wanted to apologize that's it's been a few days since my last blog. Work has been hectic, but nevertheless I've started and not finished several blogs. This will start me back up and I should get back to posting every other day. I know you're not hanging on my every word, but nonetheless I apologize for the hiatus. I hope you enjoy the post.

Look, I love sleep as much as many of you (ok I'm sure some of you love it more.) Well probably not as much as some of you. I have heard many people profess their love of sleep, as if it were an oddity, but unless you have bad nightmares most people enjoy sleep.

Unfortunately, our modern society has given us some funky ideas about how much sleep people actually need and in reality most of us get much more sleep than we require. Part of the reason why people get more sleep or feel like they need more sleep is that they aren't very active. Many long distance endurance athletes need more sleep than the average person, but for the rest of us as we become active, its very common to find you can go with less sleep.

In any case no matter how much sleep you need or think you need, there are many benefits to waking up early. Whether you wake up early to exercise, meditate, plan, or read here are 3 virtues of waking up early to start your day.

1. The Virtue of Space - Early in the morning there are fewer distractions to getting done what you need to get done. Whether you have a family or live with roommates the earlier you wake up the less likely anyone else will be up. In addition there isn't much on the radio or TV so there are fewer things on to distract you.

The quiet of the early morning offers a special energy for reflection, focused attention, and a fresh quality of the mind. The early morning is a great time to work on life goals, plan out your day, or even catch up on some good reading. Whatever usually gets in the way the rest of the day, there is less of it early in the morning.

2. The Virtue of Time - Have you ever noticed that as the day, week, or month goes on it seems like you have less and less time to get things done. Time very often feels like it contracts throughout our whole lives and especially if we have alot to do.

Some of this is a matter of perception, but part of it is that as we go through our day unexpected demands arise. Projects and problems appear that we never could have anticipated. One of the best things about waking up early is that it gives us more time. Not only does waking up early often actually give us more time in the morning, the extra time we get early in the day seems to be more productive.  Whenever I exercise in the morning I always have time for it, but when I wait until later in the day I often can't seem to fit it in. If you want to get something done for sure, wake up early and do it. 

3. The Virtue of A Good Start - The law of karma can be complicated, but one thing is for sure, the way we start something greatly effects the way the rest of it goes. When we wake up early we give ourselves a chance to have a better start. This is especially true if we use this time to reflect, plan, or exercise. When we wake up late and move slowly to start our day, the resistance present in these actions carries on the rest of our the day.

Consider this: If you have a big exciting trip planned with your partner or good friend, you wake up early with energy. You are looking forward to a day of fun and adventure. You just can't wait to get started. If you celebrated Christmas growing up, you can probably remember waking up on Christmas morning as a kid. The excitement and anticipation would get you out of bed earlier than normal.

On the other hand if we have something we are dreading or we are in a funk, we tend to wake up late, get out of bed slowly, maybe even stay in bed even though we are awake. Our every action is an expression of resistance to what we are going through or fear experiencing.

Each of these examples represent a different attitude about the day, either one of anticipation or one of resistance. So even when our day doesn't look like one of the two described above, our attitude depends on the way we start our day. By getting up early we are saying, "Today is an important day, I'm excited about today, and I am ready to meet the challenges this day will bring." If on the other hand we wake up late, we are saying, "I'm not sure about today, maybe something bad will happen, and I'm not sure I'm ready for it."

Finally one objection:

The main objection I hear from people about waking up early is either: 1. They need more sleep or 2. They 'just aren't morning people'.

In the first case, it's very likely you don't need as much sleep as you think you do, or you could just go to bed earlier. Before I lived at the monastery I used to think I needed so much sleep, but after living there I found I could easily function on five and a half to six hours of sleep. How much sleep we need is often just another function of the mind and it's something that is worth experimenting with to find out what's real.

As for the second objection, I have found that being a morning person has to do with my attitude about the morning. If you wake up late and rush around to get things done you are likely to be cranky. If instead you wake up early and give yourself lots of time to complete tasks then you are more likely to have a pleasant morning.

By getting up early we can embody the energy of morning people even if we are in some part faking it. Very often when I wake up early, even when I feel kind of cranky, after my morning run, swim, or meditation I feel great! (Or at least better) Sometimes I feel like that when I wake up late, but more often than not an early start to the day, means a better start to the day.

Try experimenting with changing your schedule around and see how it effects your productivity and energy. Remember that if you start waking up early your sleep patterns are changing so as you make the change you are likely to feel tired even if you get plenty of sleep. Also if you want to start waking up early it helps to be consistent about it. If you get up late on the weekends it will be harder to get up early during the week. The more regular you make your sleep habits the less tired you will feel.

As your patterns settle in I think you will find that the morning is this rich golden opportunity just waiting to be discovered. Mornings can add something special to everyday. When I am good about getting up early I rarely regret my choice.

Thanks for reading and Be Well,
Gentoku

The 'Right Way' Part 3 - The Way of Love

In my last two posts I talked about doing things the 'Right Way'. In the first post I talked about the things that underlie the desire for doing things the 'Right Way'. In the second post I talked about wholeness of imperfection and how 'Right Way' contains, both perceived success and perceived failure.

In this post I'm going to look at whether 'Right Way' (as it is conceived by the critical mind) can exist and examine how intention can transform the skillfulness of our actions.

Usually, the critical mind thinks of doing something 'Right Way' as our ability to replicate others skills or actions with a high level of precision. The question is 'Can we ever really replicate another actions? We know that no two people ever do anything quite the same way, for quite the same reasons. Everyone does things in their own unique way. Perhaps some actions are functionally repeatable, but the thoughts, motivations, emotions, and karmic causes of those actions are as different as fingerprints.

The idea of a 'Right Way' as a replication of others skills, creates an illusion of unity. If we act in this prescribed way, we are one with others who do the same. We have the same energy, power, and connection that they had. That is the power of ritual in our lives, but it's a mistake to think that it is the accuracy of the execution that creates that unity.

To move as someone else moves is impossible. We do not have their same hands, eyes, and ears. What we can have is a unity of intention, a unity of the heart. Many cultures spend hours practicing rituals so that they are very precise, but if it comes from a love of precision itself the point is lost. It must come from a love of ritual, love of the expression, love of the tradition, or a love of the intention and energy behind the ritual.

When I cook something my mother cooks, my goal is not to produce the same dish exactly, but only to produce it with the same love a care with which she cooked. I can even hear her saying to me, "It's not brain surgery." The message my mother gave me when we have cooked together is that it's about the intention, the process of cooking.

If your intention is good and you cook with love, then the results are likely to reflect that. It's important to remember that the results aren't just the end product. Whenever we try to do something, how we do it, how we feel about doing it, and the attitude we hold while doing it, are all part of the results.

With fitness this is especially true. To achieve a balanced life we must produce more than a leaner, stronger, and more confident body. We must also produce peace, wisdom, and compassion.

If working to do things the 'Right Way' helps us do this, then it is liberating, but if it only serves to make us feel inferior then is it really serving anyone? For me the 'Right Way' is the way that opens the heart. The 'Right Way' is the way that leads to love.

When I follow the way that leads to love, as opposed to the way that leads to perfection, I can see the results of my labor. I see those results not just in the end product of my efforts, but in every aspect of my effort. Even my perceived failures take on an energy of love and acceptance.

One way to practice with this is to reflect on an area of your life where the 'Right Way' has lead you to focus too much on the end product. What if instead of focusing on some external standard you focused on how the activity made you feel?

What if you paid close attention to each detail of each activity and tried to find the beauty in how you do it? You could try bringing in a feeling of love and compassion. Make dinner with loving hands, read a book with loving eyes. Does this change the end product? Does it change how you feel while doing it?

Setting goals can be effective and striving for excellence can be motivating, but they can also become a trap. Goals and standards can be especially sticky if they become fuel for the critical and judgmental aspects of our nature. It's important to find a way to discern the difference.

The way of love starts within ourselves and grows out from there.  If you make your 'Right Way' the way of love then everything you do will be the work of growing compassion in the world. When we let go of outcomes and focus our energy on intentions the change can revolutionize not only the outcome, but more importantly the way we feel about ourselves.

The Right Way Part 2 - The Wholeness of Imperfection

In my last blog, I talked about the concept of doing things the 'right way'. In my last post I wrote about the obsession with doing things the right way and where this obsession originates. In this post I'm going to write about wholeness  and the practice of appreciating imperfection.

Though it may be counter-intuitive there is a difference between perfection and seeking wholeness.When we seek perfection we tend to value only our positive experiences and discard our negative ones. When what's happening matches the idea we have in our mind we are WINNING! but when they when it doesn't we are FAILING! This simple view of progress doesn't take into account all the complexity of growing as a being.

Take a moment to reflect on your life, Are you certain if you changed any event, whether success or failure, if your life would be the same? You might think if you could change a few things you'd be better off, but are you sure? Maybe you wouldn't have met your wife or your best friend. You might have ended up in a much worse situation then you are now. You might even have died. There is just no way to know.

Everything you've done has led to where you are now. If you eliminated your 'failures' then you wouldn't be where you are or who you are. If your whole life, good and bad, has given you the gift of your current existence is there really a 'right way' to do things?

Often when I suggest that their really isn't a truly 'right way' to do something people object. What about math or engineering? Maybe in some areas there isn't a right way, but what about for logic. There can only be a yes or a no, 2+2=4 no matter how much you may love 5. Of course there is truth here, the 'right way' does not exclude reason or a desire for excellence. This isn't to suggest you should be lazy, sloppy, and indifferent  Not only do these things not embody excellence, they don't embody the wholeness of the 'right way.'

Often we think that to make something whole is to make it match the standard in our minds, but our own standards are very limited. We are limited in perspective, by our location in the world, in our lives, in our karmic patterns, in our place in time, and in our understanding of the nature of truth. How can our limited perspective hold all the aspects of wholeness?

Wholeness has to hold both the good and the bad. It must hold 2 + 2 = 4, but it must also hold all the answers to that equation that don't fit into our idea of the 'right' answer. 2 + 2 = 4 is the most useful part of that whole when we are trying to figure out how many apples we have, but to think that 2 + 2 = 4 fulfills the scope of wholeness is so limiting. This becomes clear as we look at our own lives.

When we are learning to ride a bike, does the wholeness of learning contain only the time we are in balance? At first we fall constantly and it's very clear that falling is part of learning, but when we become an excellent cyclist is that not true anymore?

First off, I can assure you that even being a halfway decent cyclist means falling on occasion, but more importantly even when we are riding with skill we are still falling. Riding a bike is a act of falling and adjusting, going into and out of balance. It is not a static state of riding a bike the 'right way.' Thinking of it like that hides all the subtlety that exists while riding a bike.

Excellent cyclists move and flow with the nature of change, they make thousands of little adjustments that fall within very small margins. It is their unity with the flow of change, not their  connection to some static standard which makes what they do truly amazing. It's a dance with this constant flow, and the 'right way' to ride is not something you can own, but instead something you must join with.

When we look at our lives from this perspective it's easy to see, how both balance and imbalance are part of the whole.

Take a moment and reflect on some of the things in your life you wished at some point you could have changed. How have these events created the whole person you are today? What lessons did you learn and how have you grown from these challenges?

Without the struggle to break free from the cocoon a butterfly can never fly. Without the challenges and trials of walking all the 'wrong ways' we would never learn to navigate our lives. The wholeness of our lives contains all the flawed and perfect aspects of our being. Don't forget to appreciate all the scrapes and stumbles that taught you how to walk the path.

The 'Right Way' Part 1 - Where does it come from?

I was recently talking with a friend about the idea of doing things the 'Right Way'. It's something we often obsess about in our culture. Perhaps it come from the Judeo Christian background of the western world, or perhaps it's just a side effect of striving for excellence and happiness; in either case it can very easily become a trap that limits our imagination, our ability to grow, and our happiness.

The 'Right Way' can become a beacon for us to shoot for, but also very often it is the standard by which we constantly judge our inadequacy. I'm going to take a few posts to really look at how this fixed idea of 'Right Ways' and 'Wrong Ways' effects our lives. These won't be posts that relate in a direct way to fitness, but I think very much apply to the mind that arrives at the gym or in the park every time we work out.

First off, Where does this idea of the 'Right Way' come from?

I once got into a discussion about the 'Right Way' to determine the difference between stuffing and dressing. Even though it's very silly in retrospect, I gave what can only be described as a passionate account of the difference between stuffing and dressing. I spoke with the conviction of an attorney working for Stovetop Inc. In the midst of my defense, of the purity of breaded poultry fodder, I realized that my entire knowledge of this difference, was based solely on a single article I had read the previous day on the Internet.

My conviction was unwarranted and the conversation, though clearly silly to begin with, had lept the bounds of absurdity, because of my forceful perspective. So why did I argue for the 'Right Way' to define something of so little importance? When I reflect on this, I realize that holding this 'Right Way' in my mind gave me a sense of power, of confidence, of safety.

I felt validated and justified in my actions. Knowing the 'Right Way' gave me a clear identity. I was the person who knew the identity of stuffing. I was the sole arbiter of stuffed bread products (cue the heroic music). There is something so satisfying about knowing the 'Right Way' to do something. It says so many things about me. I am competent, capable, and knowledgeable. Who am I? I am the one that knows.

It is easy to see why we can easily become obsessed with the 'Right Way' to do something. There is so much comfort for our anxiety, our fears, our doubts, and our fears.  Put simply, the idea of a 'Right Way' comes a very human need to know and understand themselves and the world around them. This 'Right Way' situates them at the center of a known universe they have drawn the borders around.

The only problem is, this 'Right Way' doesn't reveal the truth about myself or the subtlety of the actions I undertake. Instead it trades the complexity that makes life beautiful, for the certainty that makes us feel safe. I became so fixated on the 'Right Way' to describe stuffing, I lost all perspective on the absurdity of the conversation. I wasn't connected to the person I was interacting with or my own intentions. Worst of all I became unable to take in new information and new perspectives.

Striving for excellence is great and visualizing can be very valuable, but when we get fixated on the 'Right Way' to do something, we lose what we sought. What makes us truly unique among the animal kingdom, is our ability to take in new information and greet new situations with curiosity and imagination.

If the 'Right Way' comes from a fixation on a particular idea or way of being, how right is it? If on the other hand, what if the 'Right Way' comes not from an idea of the end, but from the connection to the process? It's all a matter of putting the emphasis on the 'Way' and not the 'Right'.

This is the key salvaging excellence from the concept of the 'Right Way'.  Our focus must be on the path, that leads us in the direction we want to go. Often our destinations rarely look how we expect them to and of course we as travelers have changed. The path on the other hand is intimate to our every step.

Excellence in self, in body, in mind is possible, but this excellence doesn't come from seeking some outside standard, but from believing in the flawed footsteps it takes to get there. It's faith in the path and the way, even if the scenery doesn't match the post cards.

Take some time to reflect on what fixed ideas of doing things the 'Right Way' is holding you back. What qualities are embodied in achieving that standard? Write them down. Then instead of comparing yourself to this Holy Grail standard, walk the path of the pilgrim. Do your best to embody the qualities that that standard holds.  Take up this practice of embodying qualities instead of embodying standards for a week and see what effect it has.

Your expression of compassion, of wisdom, of joy, may not be the same as those you admire, but its the way behind them, that is the same. Your act of kindness will not be there's, but the quality of kindness is something almost anyone can recognize. In this way you become one with all the great people who have gone before; not because you will do the same things, but because you will be walking on the same road.

Thanks for reading and be well,
Gentoku
dharmatrainer.com

The Illusion of Choice - Be Happy

I had a conversation with a good friend recently about the nature of choice. I realized that many of us have this idea that choice is a good thing, that helps us find happiness and peace. After all, if I can choose what I want, then I will choose what will make me happy. We fear being limited in our choices or from having our choices taken away from us. We are jealous of people who have more talents, more money, more friends, and more opportunities, because we think they have more choices than we do. We believe if we were like them we would be happy, because then we could choose the things that would make us happy. But is this really true? If we had the ability to choose whatever life we wanted, would we choose one that actually made us happy? Or maybe even more importantly, why do we think the choice to be happy is the same as the choice to choose whatever lifestyle we want?

Lack of choice is a human rights issue for many people, especially people who suffer under poverty or oppression. I'm not suggesting that promoting oppression would help people be happy, but I think it's important we dispel the illusion that, more choices make us more happy. I have had a lot of jobs in my life, probably just shy of 100 or so. I was able to have all those jobs, because I pick up skills quickly, I was raised in a stable healthy family, and I received a good education. I had lots of resources and I could have chosen almost any kind of path I wanted, but for years I made a choice to avoid life in subtle ways and to choose dissatisfaction.

So many people do this in all walks of life. Instead of choosing to be happy with whatever they have they choose to be unhappy with it. We live in a country with untold comfort and luxury. Most of us don't have to fear violence, starvation, rampant illness, or societal instability. Yet we choose to be dissatisfied with our lives. We are told that we should be smarter, wealthier, have more friends, drink more kinds of coffee, buy more organic food, be more beautiful, be more fit, and more, more, more. Yet this more rarely makes us happy. We are hiding the fundamental choice. The choice to be happy.

This is the simplest and hardest choice in a way. It is really a choice of faith. It's a choice of choosing our own flawed, complicated, imperfect, silly, awkward lives. It's the choice to smile, simply because smiling both manifests happiness and is the manifestation of happiness. It's a choice to appreciate what we have even if others have 'more.' It's a choice to let others have 'more' and be happy for them. It's a choice to love ourselves and our lives just as they are. Sounds simple right? Yet it is a very hard thing to do, because there are so many forces inside and out that point out what's wrong. Our civilization is built on the ability to solve problems, but that means sometimes we try to find problems when their aren't any. We have the brains of people who have tamed nature and crossed the globe, but most of our problems now aren't at that scale. At least the problems we focus all of this BIG MIND energy on aren't aren't to that scale. Instead of using this sledgehammer to pound at our little anxieties, what if instead we chose to work on a more fundamental problem: the problem of being able to choose to be happy.

Take time this week to look at places in your life where you are choosing dissatisfaction. What if you chose to be satisfied instead? Try smiling during the day even if you don't feel like it. When you are walking around ask, "What look do I have on my face?" It can feel fake and forced at first, but remember smiling does create happiness. They've done studies. It's like totally science and stuff. Try it out for yourself and see what the effects are.

If choice is something you value, try everyday to make the choice that is always available  Make the choice to be happy, at first is small ways and eventually in bigger ways. You will be surprised how this simple intention manifests itself in everything you do.

Thanks for reading and Be Well.
Gentoku
dharmatrainer.com

Being a NEWB: The practice of being a new person

We've all been there before. It's the first day of school, a new job, a bicycle riding group, fitness class, etc. and we feel lost, confused, and helpless.

Here is this group of people that know each other talk the same language, share similar values, wear similar clothes, and know the in's and outs better than you. Every time, even if we've been the new person a 1000 times, it's weird awkward and down right scary.

We want to be accepted, we want to be in the know, and more than anything we wish we felt comfortable. Very often we feel like little kids all over again.

I recently joined a masters swim club to improve my swimming time and ability. I've joined many new groups and know how these things go, but without fail I end up feeling lost, weird, and awkward.

So I decided to write a post about the practice of being a new person, because it is a very interesting practice and it actually reveals alot about who we are.

Step 1: Admit you're scared and step forward.
When we enter a new group old habits of protection arise, old strategies emerge, old insecurities are abound, because we are unsure we will be taken in by this tribe.

In traditional cultures not being taken in could mean isolation, hunger, and even death; so our fears are well founded. The first step as you enter a new group is to just admit to yourself it's scary.

 Trying to act like it's not scary just makes things harder. Now that's not to say that you should be shy, timid, or hesitate.

What it means is that you should admit you're scared and then do your best to go for it. Hesitation only breeds more fear and hesitation, but confidence breeds confidence.

Step 2: You don't know what you're talking about.
Whenever we enter a new group it's best to take the attitude that we don't know what were talking about. Even if you've been in a similar group or setting each group has some specialized language or gestures that you will need to learn.

 If you don't feel comfortable asking questions right away, and I often don't at first, then just watch very carefully. See what other people are doing and do that.

When I first started doing group rides, I learned quickly what hand signals meant. People pointed out potholes and debris, people warned others when they were stopping. So I would watch and then imitate, imitate, imitate. 

Then whatever terms you don't know just ask about. I don't know how many times I floundered around in a new group until I figured out what the hell they meant. Just remember it's cool, you just don't know what you're talking about.

In reality most people don't know what they are talking about at some point. The key is to admit it to yourself, forgive yourself for the awkward mess you may very well be and keep at it.

What you shouldn't do is act like you know what's going on, esp. if you don't actually know whats going on. You may come off a cocky and you set yourself up for quite a fall if you miss a key cue.

There are people who can act like old pros and they are old pros. If you are one of these you know it and if you aren't don't try to act like one. People love an underdog, so just be an underdog.

Step 3: The trick is to keep going.
Very often in new groups, people are slow to warm up. They may even be pretty skeptical of new members. If you've been a part of a public group for a long time you know why this is. Most people who join a group quit within a week or two. Why?

 Well there are lots of reasons why people don't stick around, but most people quit because it's hard to be the new guy and it's hard to stick with change. If you have been the veteran member of a group it's hard to take these new people seriously because most of them quit pretty fast.

Why invest time in someone who may very well be gone next week? Instead people will often wait a few weeks to see if you will stick and then they will get more friendly. 

Remember that you are scared of all these new people, but in a way these new people are scared of you too. You are an unknown entity and value.

You could be cool as Elvis and as Saintly and John the Baptist or you could be the exact opposite. The only difference between them and you is they have safe people to talk to instead of you.

While you only have yourself to talk to, which I wouldn't recommend doing out loud when you first join a group. Remember that every person in this group was the new person once.

They were scared and uncomfortable just like you were. The biggest difference between the newbie and the accepted teammate is time.

MindFitMove Practice
Take some time and reflect on when you tried something new.
What about it was really scary and what about it was really exciting?
Think of something you have always wanted to try, but never did.
Why not try it now?
What exactly do you have to lose?
Finally, in the groups that you already attend, think about what could you do to help new people feel more comfortable.

The easiest way to get to know people in a group you join, or to get to know new people in your group is to ask open ended questions.

Be curious about the people around you, in fact even if you think you know the people in your group now, you'd be surprised what you will find out if you just ask then open ended questions and take the time to really listen.

 One thing we often don't give space for is other peoples lives, hopes, and dreams. We are so caught up in our own agenda we don't take the time to really hear others.

Try to hear one friend or family member this week in a deeper way. You might be surprised with what they have to say.

Thanks for reading and Be Well,
Genotku

dharmatrainer.com

How to exercise in the rain - The Whiny Voice

Here in Portland the winter months are coming. The hints are there, the occasional overcast skies, the cooling morning. That means that the rain will soon be here and thus a built in excuse not to get outside and exercise. No matter what part of the country you live in, the weather can be a reason to get out of your workout routine. Partially this is natural. Traditionally changes in activity would be dictated by the conditions, though most weather demanded more effort from our ancestors than we have today. Winter meant getting fire wood to chop, summer may have meant walking and carrying water, spring time planting or hunting, and fall meant harvesting.

In our modern times it is so easy to be comfortable, so little is required of us, physically, to survive. Which is why it is all the more important to stay active in the winter months or whenever the weather is less than ideal. And let's be honest the weather is often not ideal, unless of course you live somewhere the weather is often ideal (I'm looking at you San Diego), in which case you can skip this post. I've decided to write a few posts about how to maintain an exercise routine even when the weather is bad. If you have other ideas please feel free to share them.

The hardest this about exercising in inclement weather, is the hardest thing about ever doing exercise, GETTING STARTED. There are many techniques to work with less than ideal circumstances, here is one of my favorites.

Paying attention to who is talking.
* Scroll down for a note on voice and voice dialog if your not familiar with this concept.

You are supposed to go for a bike ride, but it's cold and rainy outside. You sit inside staring at the rain and think, 'ah man it's going to be so cold a rainy out there, I don't want to ride my bike, I'll get all gross and have to wear stupid bulky rain gear.' Etc.

    The first step to working with this part of your mind is to ask, "How old is this whiny voice?" For me the voice is usually about fourteen. I can even imagine that 14 year old saying the above, crossing their arms, and huffing. We often equate ourselves with the little voices or energies in us that resist doing what we know is, 'the best thing for us.' This can lead to guilt and to thinking that we are weak, but we aren't weak, we just have a 14 year old voice living inside of us. There is nothing wrong with that at all, but we have to work with that energy when it arises. When I notice this part of me arise, I   talk to that 14 year old. I might even imagine myself as 14 and  say out loud, "I know that you don't want to go outside in the rain, but you know that if you do you'll have a good time. I promise that when we get home, we'll take a warm shower, and we'll feel really proud of ourselves." Does this always work? No. Sometimes the teenager wins and I stay inside and watch TV, but more often then not, when I am aware of that whiny voice and acknowledge it, I can find a wiser part of myself and get out the door.

How old is your whiny voice? Can you visualize yourself at a certain age when it's up? In what other areas of your life do you hear it?

Next time you find your whiny mind arising, try to talk to it in a gentle way to help get yourself out the door. Remember what worked to motivate you at that age, it might work for this part of yourself now. Yelling at it, criticizing it may work in the short term, but since it's a part of you, you are better off learning to love and respect it. Try different techniques to work with it and see what gets the most traction.

For extra credit try and notice other voices that arise when you exercise.  Maybe sometimes you have a little internal coach or cheerleader. Maybe you have an internal champion, or perhaps an internal underdog. I'm sure most of us have a critical voice or energy that arises. Paying attention to the parts of ourselves that arise, in exercise and life, can help us know what our mind is up to. We can learn to access the voices and energies that help us and to help the voices that hold us back. No voice or energy is wholly bad, but some are trying to help us in pretty messed up ways. By hearing and working with these parts of ourselves, we gain more knowledge of our mind and more peace in our lives.

Thanks for reading.
Be Well.
Genotku
dharmatrainer.com

*A quick note this post talks about different voices or energies that we encounter as part of our being. It is based on the philosophy of voice dialogue which acknowledges that we are all made up of a mixture of different energies and motivations. These voices or energies are what makes us able to play different roles in our lives and move from being at work to being at home. These energies or voices can be discovered and brought forth as a way to understand different aspects of our being. For a list of different selves check out this site- http://www.voicedialogue.com/which_self_are_you.htm

Listening to Language/Limits - 7 Habits

Be Fit to Sit - Next Meeting  6pm Tues Oct 2nd At Laurelhurst Park in SE Portland Click Here for Details.

Whenever we do or don't do something, it is rare that we are compelled or prevented from doing it. In reality we are making a choice of one action, over another. We do this primarily because: 1. We don't want to suffer the likely consequences of the choice, or 2. We don't want to put in the effort to manifest that action in the world. In my last post we discussed language that fell into the first category. In this post I'll look at the second case.

We often portray ourselves as having some limiting quality, that prevents us from achieving what we want. You might hear someone say, 'I'm too old to get in shape, ' or 'I've tried to lose weight I just can't do it,' or maybe 'I'm too stupid to get a good job.' In most cases these limiting qualities are our negative self image and talk solidified into some fixed view about what we are capable of. We do this ,as an excuse, to not make the effort it takes to get to where we want to go. It hurts less, in a way, to say 'I can't quite smoking,' instead of 'I tried to quite smoking, but when it got hard I chose to give it up, because I was unwilling to deal with the discomfort.' To take responsibility means that we are admitting we made a choice. If we make ourselves the victims, maybe we don't have to feel bad about our perceived failures.

Changing your life isn't easy and if you're serious about it, you are likely to fail in some way before you succeed. We've been told that failing is bad, but failure is the ground that leads to success. I don't like to fail, but every time I have a perceived failure at a job or a relationship I have moved closer to what I want. I have gained knowledge about what job I don't want and how to work more skillfully with a partner. It's not the mistakes, rather it's not learning from mistakes that we have to fear. We must be willing to fall short of our aspirations. We must take responsibility of our choices. If we have any hope of changing, it will be us that manifests that change. No one can manifest change for you, you are the only one who can truly change. That is the burden and the gift of a human life.

In the examples above we can change our language to reflect our ability to choose. We can say, "I'm old so working out is harder than it used to be. I choose not to work out because I don't like the discomfort it causes. " or we can say, 'I've tried to lose weight before, but chose to stop, so I'm choosing not to try again right now, because I 'm afraid I might fail.' When we read these statements now, we see that the speakers are making a clear choice, which means they could make a different choice. It also reveals the motivation behind their choice. In the first case it's the discomfort of exercise, in the second it's the fear of failure. When we see these choices, we can weigh our options better. For example, for the first speaker maybe not being active is actually causing more discomfort than exercise would cause. Then again maybe not, but until we knowledge the possibilities a serious examination can't happen.  In the second case, perhaps the fear of diabetes or other health risks is greater than the fear of failure, but if I'm not empowered to make that choice, it's hard to see that I could actually prevent that from happening. Few things are as inevitable as we perceive.

By reframing the way we think and talk about ourselves and the things in our lives, we gain access to more power and more choice. We can acknowledge when we are limiting ourselves and see other possibilities. Perhaps the greatest effect that can come from this change is a perception of control. I heard recently that higher level managers suffer from less stress, not because they have less to do, but because they had a greater sense of control.

 Notice when you use language that portrays you as weak or that limits your capability. Take some time and reflect on the beliefs that limit what you think you can do. Ask yourself Is this true? Then ask, Is it really true? Finally ask, What if it weren't true, what would that mean?*

Often the solidity of our beliefs are based solely on the strength we give them. We can use this truth to both bolster the beliefs that empower us, and to deconstruct the ones that hold us back. Fixed ideas lead many of us to suffering. The world is a variable and changing place and our minds must reflect that or we are doomed to fight against the current of being. By seeing our choice and having a flexible mind, we become more free and more nimble in our response to life's big and little challenges.

Thanks for reading,
Be Well
Gentoku
dharmatrainer.com

*disclaimer - This technique is one I heard somewhere, and is in a book, but I don't remember what book or who wrote it. But I felt I should acknowledge it didn't originate with me.

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Listening to Language / Consequences - 7 Habits

Again just a reminder I am reading the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Steven Covey right now. I am using my blog as a way to take in the material with a mind towards teaching it to others.

There is a part of 7 Habits where Covey talks about listening to our language. Specifically paying close attention to when we use reactive phrases, as opposed to proactive ones. Very often when I talk about fitness or training I hear reactive phrases from people. When I tell people about training for and racing triathlons, I usually get one or two reactions. Most people say some version of, 'That's great, but I could never do something like that,' or 'I wish I could do that, but (enter excuse here: I'm too busy, I've got a knee injury...).' Few people acknowledge that they are making a choice not to do triathlons. Now I'm not advocating everyone should do a triathlon (seriously you should though), I'm merely saying in most cases not doing a tri is a choice, rather than the result of some outside force.'

Whenever we do or don't do something, it is rare that we are compelled or prevented from doing it. In reality we are making a choice of one action, over another. We do this primarily because: 1. We don't want to suffer the likely consequences of the choice, or 2. We don't want to put in the effort to manifest that action in the world. In this post I'll talk about the first case and I'll discuss the second case in a later post.

A clear example of the first case can be found in this statement: "I can't work out in the morning, I have to be at work at 9:00am." What choices does this statement hide? For one the choice not to wake earlier before work or the choice to get more sleep. Another would be the choice to be on time to work instead of working out. Another would be the choice to go to work at all, instead of spending time on fitness.

Many of us would think the last choice is a reasonable and prudent one. The choice to keep my job, or to be on time, instead of working out seem like wise ones, but we still choose. In truth I could choose to lose my job and work out instead. But if I don't want the consequences of losing a job, then I'd be wise to choose work over working out.  In many instances changing our language wouldn't mean changing our choice, but it does reveal that we are making a choice.

To use proactive language in the example above, you could say "I choose not to work out in the morning, because I want to get 8 hours of sleep and get to work on time." When we read this phrase we can see all the possibilities I've overlooked. Maybe I could go to bed earlier, so I can wake up earlier. Maybe I could choose to get less sleep and use the extra time to exercise. By using reactive language we disempower ourselves. Instead of taking responsibility for our choices we paint ourselves as victims who can't choose anything else. When we use proactive language we paint ourselves as capable people who are choosing what we want in our lives.

Listen this week to yourself and others, and notice when reactive language is being used. When you catch yourself or others take some time to think about the hidden choices. How could you restate the some thing and acknowledge the choice involved? When you see those choices can you see other choices you could make?

The Buddha talked about karma starting with thought. Before any volitional unskillful act occurs an unskillful thought must occur first. By listening to our language we can reveal the illusions and delusions in our thoughts. By taking responsibility for our language we can learn to take responsibility for our lives. Covey talks about this as the ability to choose our response. Change comes from choosing a new response to our lives and language lies at the door to this change.

Thanks for reading,
Be Well

Gentoku
dharmatrainer.com

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The Eulogy Project: 7 Habits

If you've been reading my blog you know I've been writing posts related to what I've been reading in the book, "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People" by Steven Covey.

One of the exercises that Covey encourages the reader to do, is to write in detail about your own funeral and eulogy. It is in the part of the book that discusses habit two, "Start with the end in mind." Writing about your own funeral may seem morbid to some people, but it can be a very powerful experience.  Covey encourages the reader to 'access the right side of the brain, by using imagery and details.' He talks about how this enables you to access a more holistic part of yourself. In our world the left, or more logical side of the brain, is often favored. I know that I rely heavily on my logical mind, so I welcomed this exercise as way to peer deeper into my more intuitive 'right brain.'

I wrote out a description of my funeral in great detail. I tried to include scents, sounds, and what people were doing as they talked. As I wrote I found myself getting caught up in the story and it often felt like the words were writing themselves. I described the different people who were there, from friends and sangha members, to my family and professional colleagues. Then I listened as one person from each group talked about my life. I tried my best to listen as I spoke through them in my narrative.

One of the first things that surprised me was that I wrote about a business partner and a professional mentor being at my funeral. These are two people I don't have in my life right now, but as I wrote I realized that I want to have people like this in my life. One aspect of visualization is that often hidden desires have a chance to surface. Our logical mind might think, 'it's silly to imagine you have a business partner, you don't even have a business yet,' but our imagination can reveal what we desire. Moving forward with that clarity, we can be more aware of opportunities to fulfill that desire. I know that I will now be looking at other people I meet as potential mentors and business partners. By being open to that desire I am much more likely to see that opportunity for a great partnership.

Next I wrote from the perspective of a member of my spiritual community (sangha in Buddhist terms). They talked about how I blended spiritual teaching into my everyday life. I was already aware that I valued this blend, but visualizing someone from my community saying it helped me see how important it really is. Often we hold things we value at a distance from our selves. We do this out of fear that maybe we can't make it happen. Perhaps you really want to run a half marathon, but because you think you can't do it, you try not to think about it. When we visualize, the logical part of our brain can't come in and say 'you can't,' instead we are free to dream what we want. In truth your dreams are not as far out of your reach as you think. Visualizing helps us see what is possible and what our hearts long for.

Another person who spoke at my funeral was a close friend. They spoke about loyalty and how I was there when they needed me, but they also spoke about how I pushed them. Often I have felt that my tendency to push and challenge people might annoy my friends. When I visualized my friend saying they appreciated being pushed, I realized that my perception of that as a weakness wasn't accurate. When we visualize, our judging mind is less active. The logical side of the brain that keeps score isn't tracking and so the underlying value of something has a chance to surface. I realized that I enjoy people that support me, but also push me to become better. It makes perfect sense that my close friends would value the same things. The intuitive side of ourselves can often see more contours of truth. Outside of keeping score and judging many of the traits we label 'weaknesses' are the contours that make us unique and special to others.

Finally I heard from a member of my family. For this I visualized a son. The things he said are kernels of wisdom I hope to pass on and many of them were given to me by my father. My visualized son talked about integrity and love. He talked about how I saw and heard the people in my life; how I inspired and challenged them. The last thing he said touched me the most. He said that everything I did in my life was an expression of the deep love I had for other people.

This reveals a belief that I have long held, but rarely admit.  I realized that I want very much to embody that love in my life. In big gestures, but also in all the little things that I do. I want to live a life guided and embedded with love.

Visualization can often bring to light a fundamental vow that we don't want to admit. We might think that vow is idealistic or childish. We might be ashamed, because we aren't living up to that aspiration. This kind of visualization can cut through that guilt or doubt and reveal the truth of our hearts. I write daily vows, but none of them contained the vow to embed love into everything I do. My logical mind, who makes the lists, can't really understand that vow. It's a BIG VOW.

Visualization gives us a chance to see our big vow, our big heart, and our big dream.

By starting with the end in mind, we can see if the path we are on is pointing us to that BIG VOW or not. I don't think that I will always be able to live up to these highest of principles, but I know I will live a better life if I try. If I point my life in the direction of my BIG VOW, in big and little ways, I'll be moving in the right direction. It's important to remember that our BIG VOW is not fulfilled by achieving at what we aim. Just walking the path to our BIG VOW, IS the the fulfilling of the vow. The two are not separate.

Take some time to write your own funeral and eulogy, or if that is too involved maybe just your obituary. Start with list of things you'd want said about you. One list for family, work etc. You may be surprised by what is on the list and what isn't.

I noticed that there were several things that weren't in my eulogy that I worry about. No one talked about me dating allot of attractive women, or finishing high in my triathlon age group, or having stylish clothes. Part of keeping the end in mind is learning what to leave out.

Thanks for reading and Be well.
Gentoku
dharmatrainer.com

The Practice of Reflection: 33 one sentence journals.

I've taken up the practice of writing a twice a day 1 sentence journal. I learned this from the lovely Zen Habits Blog which I would highly recommend to others. It's a great way to start the practice of reflection. Reflecting on all these sentences I realized a couple of things.

1. That life is filled with a mix of somewhat profound discovery and mundane beauty, and that this mix is what makes life both bearable and satisfying.

2. Life seeks to teach us lessons by repetition and reflection helps us remember what we are trying to learn or unlearn as the case may be.

Try writing a one sentence journal this week. Do it at the same time everyday. Don't worry if what you write isn't profound. It's not about being poetic but just being really honest with where your at. Confession even to yourself is a very powerful act.

Thanks for reading and be well.

Gentoku dharmatrainer.com

Here are first 33 journals:

 The work of purifying the heart isn't all fuzzy warm hugs, sometimes it's acknowledging and drawing out the barbs from your own heart.

The next time a cute girl sits down next to me on the bus, I'm going to say hello.

 When I see pictures of us I realize I wish I had appreciated more how much you loved me and I wonder if anyone will ever love me like that again.

A true friend tells you the truth in a way that even when it hurts nourishes you.

Filling out a job history is like taking a trip down memory lane, with my brain going you really did alot of cool random things dude.

The night before the big race, tension, fear, excitement, and the intention to share the merit of my effort to serve wisdom and compassion.

I didn't cry when I finished my triathlon, but when my sister said I was her hero for doing it ... tears.

There's a kind of sweet tired feeling that overtakes the body; this satisfaction of being thoroughly used by life.

A day after my first tri a question arises, "What shall I do next another Olympic or a sprint?"

Cool soft milk poured into a bowl of sugar filled crunchy cereal, makes me feel just like a kid again.

To engage another in the exchange of honest reflection, helps me to grow and is always worth the risks.

Being in a choir again reminds me of the simple joy of first learning to sing.

Sometimes the best plan is to have no agenda, but to be present and available for whatever might arise.

It's good to remember that looking for work puts people in a very vulnerable and tender place, where defensiveness and justification are their armor.

Everytime I question whether I should exercise or meditate, I should remember that both give me a calm and space that soothes my heart.

It's satisfying to see myself making progress on letting things go to move onto what is next and it's effect on my punctuality.

There are few things as satisfying as being to be there for my friends, especially the ones that are always there for me.

There is something about some fundraising campaigns that really makes me question the integrity of their techniques.

Two days two job offers apparently I'm very professionally appealing. Who knew?

I now have my own website, YAY!

Bringing my teacher coffee is the simplest way I can express a gratitude and appreciation for the intimacy of his teaching.

Good conversation is its own reward.

It's very satisfying to be excited about promoting something I care about that I also want to do for a living.

I enjoy helping friends push their boundaries, but I am dedicated to focusing on empathy before information.

First day at the new job, excitement, boredom, stress, satisfaction, it feels good to be working.

Working often makes a long day.

It's hard to go to go to sleep when you feel lonely.

Working outside even when tiring is very pleasant.

 To listen deeply even if you don't agree is so powerful and nearly always opens my heart.

Sometimes it's very hard to know who exactly is your friend.

 Lateness cascades into lateness cascades into a pressure in my head, therefor timeliness very often leads to more peace.

I love riding my bike through the city at night, because there is something so alive about it.

The new little camaraderies that develop at any job are a sweet ripe fruit that delight the mind and heart.

It's good to feel engaged and involved in an area I feel confident and competent and know I can be relied upon.

I notice I often have a tendency to ask others more questions than I answer and perhaps this is because I'm reluctant to reveal how vulnerable I can really be.

Vows, Goals, and Intentions

  When we seek to transform our lives, whether it is quitting smoking, eating healthier, being kinder to others, or bringing our physical being into balance, it is important to understand how this kind of change happens. We'd like to think that it's just a matter of will power, that we just need to say we'll do it and then stick to the plan. Of course we know what they say about men, plans, and mice.

  In reality making a vow or setting a goal is a very organic process. When a tree or other plant seeks to take it's natural form it has to adapt to the environment or it will die. A river doesn't just take a straight line to the sea. It negotiates the path with the landmarks around it. All too often when I have set goals I think of them as a straight line to the sea, but in reality I have several landmarks to work with. If I'm willing to negotiate my goals to match the landscape of my life I am more likely to reach the sea.

  I recently read an article at my Dharma Punks sitting group by Thanissaro Bhikkhu about the practice of vow as an aspect of determination. This article identified 4 aspects of good determination: discernment, truth, relinquishment, and peace. The articles describes each of these aspects in a nice clear way.

  First, it says of discernment: "Discernment here means two things. To begin with, it means setting wise goals: learning how to recognize a useful vow, one that aims at something really worthwhile, one in which you're pushing yourself not too little, not too much -- something that's outside your ordinary expectations but not so far that you come crashing down. Second, it means clearly understanding what you have to do to achieve your goals -- what causes will lead to the results you want."

  This aspect of setting goals is important to understand and practice. I've learned from years of working that it's always better to under promise and then over deliver, but I all to often forget to do this with myself.

  Let's say you have a new friend would you lend them your car/bike? Lets say you've only seen them drive/ride twice. Once they were safe, the other time there were reckless. Would that effect your decision? 50% of your experience of them is negative. Compare that to how you would feel lending it to an old friend. One who you've seen break a few traffic laws but overall is a trustworthy person. The difference is clear, but often we treat ourselves like the old friend when our transforming self is mor like new acquaintance.

   It takes time to build confidence in ourselves and see even if we make mistakes that we will stick to the path in the long run. As you start any new process to transform your life make sure to remember to take things slowly and work to build trust over time. Making and keeping small promises or goals with yourself will give you the confidence to keep bigger promises.

  The second aspect of discernment that the article identifies is "clearly understanding what you have to do to achieve your goals." Setting goals and making vows are wonderful, but many times I have been unrealistic about what it would take meet those goals. It meant giving up things I liked and making hard choices sometimes. Don't have any illusions that you will find some shortcut to changing your life. It all about slow and steady progress and appreciating small victories.

  If we fixate too much on the goals in the distance we lose sight of the steps it takes to get there. If you've ever run, biked, or even driven on the plains you know what this is like. If you watch some far off object it feels like it would take years to get there. But if you focus on each step, each breath, before you know it you've passed what seemed so far away.

  After I decided that I was going to start doing triathlons I didn't look at all the weeks of training it would take. I just worked on the week that I was on. At first swimming 1000 meters seemed impossible, but week after week I went to the pool and swam 100 meters 10 times with a little rest in between. Then one day I tried to swim 1000 meters in the Willamette river. It was HARD! I just wasn't ready yet. So I doubled my efforts I went to the pool 2 more days a week and started pushing myself even harder. If I had said oh well this isn't working I just give up that would've mean no triathlons. Instead I found that within a few weeks I was able to swim 1000 meters comfortably. I just needed a little extra push.

  I focused on the steps to where I wanted to go not that my goal, despite my hard work, still seemed so far away. My initial assessment of what I needed to do wasn't quite right, but that's ok because I was willing to adjust to find the right path. When making goals we have to use our discernment to decide what we can trust ourselves to do and then focus on the steps to getting there. That way when we run into a road block we can see it as a small side step, rather than thinking we are completely derailed.

This week take the time to write down your goals at least 3 times. Then write down one concrete step you can take this week to get where you want to go. Lastly reflect on how achieving your goal will be of benefit to others. Your actions could inspire others, give you more confidence, or lengthen your life and thus the time you spend with loved ones. It's important to remember that everything we do is not just for ourselves. When we are healthier happier people the merit just spreads out.

Thanks for reading and next post I'll write about the second aspect of determination, Truth.

Be well.