Being a NEWB: The practice of being a new person

We've all been there before. It's the first day of school, a new job, a bicycle riding group, fitness class, etc. and we feel lost, confused, and helpless.

Here is this group of people that know each other talk the same language, share similar values, wear similar clothes, and know the in's and outs better than you. Every time, even if we've been the new person a 1000 times, it's weird awkward and down right scary.

We want to be accepted, we want to be in the know, and more than anything we wish we felt comfortable. Very often we feel like little kids all over again.

I recently joined a masters swim club to improve my swimming time and ability. I've joined many new groups and know how these things go, but without fail I end up feeling lost, weird, and awkward.

So I decided to write a post about the practice of being a new person, because it is a very interesting practice and it actually reveals alot about who we are.

Step 1: Admit you're scared and step forward.
When we enter a new group old habits of protection arise, old strategies emerge, old insecurities are abound, because we are unsure we will be taken in by this tribe.

In traditional cultures not being taken in could mean isolation, hunger, and even death; so our fears are well founded. The first step as you enter a new group is to just admit to yourself it's scary.

 Trying to act like it's not scary just makes things harder. Now that's not to say that you should be shy, timid, or hesitate.

What it means is that you should admit you're scared and then do your best to go for it. Hesitation only breeds more fear and hesitation, but confidence breeds confidence.

Step 2: You don't know what you're talking about.
Whenever we enter a new group it's best to take the attitude that we don't know what were talking about. Even if you've been in a similar group or setting each group has some specialized language or gestures that you will need to learn.

 If you don't feel comfortable asking questions right away, and I often don't at first, then just watch very carefully. See what other people are doing and do that.

When I first started doing group rides, I learned quickly what hand signals meant. People pointed out potholes and debris, people warned others when they were stopping. So I would watch and then imitate, imitate, imitate. 

Then whatever terms you don't know just ask about. I don't know how many times I floundered around in a new group until I figured out what the hell they meant. Just remember it's cool, you just don't know what you're talking about.

In reality most people don't know what they are talking about at some point. The key is to admit it to yourself, forgive yourself for the awkward mess you may very well be and keep at it.

What you shouldn't do is act like you know what's going on, esp. if you don't actually know whats going on. You may come off a cocky and you set yourself up for quite a fall if you miss a key cue.

There are people who can act like old pros and they are old pros. If you are one of these you know it and if you aren't don't try to act like one. People love an underdog, so just be an underdog.

Step 3: The trick is to keep going.
Very often in new groups, people are slow to warm up. They may even be pretty skeptical of new members. If you've been a part of a public group for a long time you know why this is. Most people who join a group quit within a week or two. Why?

 Well there are lots of reasons why people don't stick around, but most people quit because it's hard to be the new guy and it's hard to stick with change. If you have been the veteran member of a group it's hard to take these new people seriously because most of them quit pretty fast.

Why invest time in someone who may very well be gone next week? Instead people will often wait a few weeks to see if you will stick and then they will get more friendly. 

Remember that you are scared of all these new people, but in a way these new people are scared of you too. You are an unknown entity and value.

You could be cool as Elvis and as Saintly and John the Baptist or you could be the exact opposite. The only difference between them and you is they have safe people to talk to instead of you.

While you only have yourself to talk to, which I wouldn't recommend doing out loud when you first join a group. Remember that every person in this group was the new person once.

They were scared and uncomfortable just like you were. The biggest difference between the newbie and the accepted teammate is time.

MindFitMove Practice
Take some time and reflect on when you tried something new.
What about it was really scary and what about it was really exciting?
Think of something you have always wanted to try, but never did.
Why not try it now?
What exactly do you have to lose?
Finally, in the groups that you already attend, think about what could you do to help new people feel more comfortable.

The easiest way to get to know people in a group you join, or to get to know new people in your group is to ask open ended questions.

Be curious about the people around you, in fact even if you think you know the people in your group now, you'd be surprised what you will find out if you just ask then open ended questions and take the time to really listen.

 One thing we often don't give space for is other peoples lives, hopes, and dreams. We are so caught up in our own agenda we don't take the time to really hear others.

Try to hear one friend or family member this week in a deeper way. You might be surprised with what they have to say.

Thanks for reading and Be Well,
Genotku

dharmatrainer.com

Listening to Language / Consequences - 7 Habits

Again just a reminder I am reading the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Steven Covey right now. I am using my blog as a way to take in the material with a mind towards teaching it to others.

There is a part of 7 Habits where Covey talks about listening to our language. Specifically paying close attention to when we use reactive phrases, as opposed to proactive ones. Very often when I talk about fitness or training I hear reactive phrases from people. When I tell people about training for and racing triathlons, I usually get one or two reactions. Most people say some version of, 'That's great, but I could never do something like that,' or 'I wish I could do that, but (enter excuse here: I'm too busy, I've got a knee injury...).' Few people acknowledge that they are making a choice not to do triathlons. Now I'm not advocating everyone should do a triathlon (seriously you should though), I'm merely saying in most cases not doing a tri is a choice, rather than the result of some outside force.'

Whenever we do or don't do something, it is rare that we are compelled or prevented from doing it. In reality we are making a choice of one action, over another. We do this primarily because: 1. We don't want to suffer the likely consequences of the choice, or 2. We don't want to put in the effort to manifest that action in the world. In this post I'll talk about the first case and I'll discuss the second case in a later post.

A clear example of the first case can be found in this statement: "I can't work out in the morning, I have to be at work at 9:00am." What choices does this statement hide? For one the choice not to wake earlier before work or the choice to get more sleep. Another would be the choice to be on time to work instead of working out. Another would be the choice to go to work at all, instead of spending time on fitness.

Many of us would think the last choice is a reasonable and prudent one. The choice to keep my job, or to be on time, instead of working out seem like wise ones, but we still choose. In truth I could choose to lose my job and work out instead. But if I don't want the consequences of losing a job, then I'd be wise to choose work over working out.  In many instances changing our language wouldn't mean changing our choice, but it does reveal that we are making a choice.

To use proactive language in the example above, you could say "I choose not to work out in the morning, because I want to get 8 hours of sleep and get to work on time." When we read this phrase we can see all the possibilities I've overlooked. Maybe I could go to bed earlier, so I can wake up earlier. Maybe I could choose to get less sleep and use the extra time to exercise. By using reactive language we disempower ourselves. Instead of taking responsibility for our choices we paint ourselves as victims who can't choose anything else. When we use proactive language we paint ourselves as capable people who are choosing what we want in our lives.

Listen this week to yourself and others, and notice when reactive language is being used. When you catch yourself or others take some time to think about the hidden choices. How could you restate the some thing and acknowledge the choice involved? When you see those choices can you see other choices you could make?

The Buddha talked about karma starting with thought. Before any volitional unskillful act occurs an unskillful thought must occur first. By listening to our language we can reveal the illusions and delusions in our thoughts. By taking responsibility for our language we can learn to take responsibility for our lives. Covey talks about this as the ability to choose our response. Change comes from choosing a new response to our lives and language lies at the door to this change.

Thanks for reading,
Be Well

Gentoku
dharmatrainer.com

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The Eulogy Project: 7 Habits

If you've been reading my blog you know I've been writing posts related to what I've been reading in the book, "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People" by Steven Covey.

One of the exercises that Covey encourages the reader to do, is to write in detail about your own funeral and eulogy. It is in the part of the book that discusses habit two, "Start with the end in mind." Writing about your own funeral may seem morbid to some people, but it can be a very powerful experience.  Covey encourages the reader to 'access the right side of the brain, by using imagery and details.' He talks about how this enables you to access a more holistic part of yourself. In our world the left, or more logical side of the brain, is often favored. I know that I rely heavily on my logical mind, so I welcomed this exercise as way to peer deeper into my more intuitive 'right brain.'

I wrote out a description of my funeral in great detail. I tried to include scents, sounds, and what people were doing as they talked. As I wrote I found myself getting caught up in the story and it often felt like the words were writing themselves. I described the different people who were there, from friends and sangha members, to my family and professional colleagues. Then I listened as one person from each group talked about my life. I tried my best to listen as I spoke through them in my narrative.

One of the first things that surprised me was that I wrote about a business partner and a professional mentor being at my funeral. These are two people I don't have in my life right now, but as I wrote I realized that I want to have people like this in my life. One aspect of visualization is that often hidden desires have a chance to surface. Our logical mind might think, 'it's silly to imagine you have a business partner, you don't even have a business yet,' but our imagination can reveal what we desire. Moving forward with that clarity, we can be more aware of opportunities to fulfill that desire. I know that I will now be looking at other people I meet as potential mentors and business partners. By being open to that desire I am much more likely to see that opportunity for a great partnership.

Next I wrote from the perspective of a member of my spiritual community (sangha in Buddhist terms). They talked about how I blended spiritual teaching into my everyday life. I was already aware that I valued this blend, but visualizing someone from my community saying it helped me see how important it really is. Often we hold things we value at a distance from our selves. We do this out of fear that maybe we can't make it happen. Perhaps you really want to run a half marathon, but because you think you can't do it, you try not to think about it. When we visualize, the logical part of our brain can't come in and say 'you can't,' instead we are free to dream what we want. In truth your dreams are not as far out of your reach as you think. Visualizing helps us see what is possible and what our hearts long for.

Another person who spoke at my funeral was a close friend. They spoke about loyalty and how I was there when they needed me, but they also spoke about how I pushed them. Often I have felt that my tendency to push and challenge people might annoy my friends. When I visualized my friend saying they appreciated being pushed, I realized that my perception of that as a weakness wasn't accurate. When we visualize, our judging mind is less active. The logical side of the brain that keeps score isn't tracking and so the underlying value of something has a chance to surface. I realized that I enjoy people that support me, but also push me to become better. It makes perfect sense that my close friends would value the same things. The intuitive side of ourselves can often see more contours of truth. Outside of keeping score and judging many of the traits we label 'weaknesses' are the contours that make us unique and special to others.

Finally I heard from a member of my family. For this I visualized a son. The things he said are kernels of wisdom I hope to pass on and many of them were given to me by my father. My visualized son talked about integrity and love. He talked about how I saw and heard the people in my life; how I inspired and challenged them. The last thing he said touched me the most. He said that everything I did in my life was an expression of the deep love I had for other people.

This reveals a belief that I have long held, but rarely admit.  I realized that I want very much to embody that love in my life. In big gestures, but also in all the little things that I do. I want to live a life guided and embedded with love.

Visualization can often bring to light a fundamental vow that we don't want to admit. We might think that vow is idealistic or childish. We might be ashamed, because we aren't living up to that aspiration. This kind of visualization can cut through that guilt or doubt and reveal the truth of our hearts. I write daily vows, but none of them contained the vow to embed love into everything I do. My logical mind, who makes the lists, can't really understand that vow. It's a BIG VOW.

Visualization gives us a chance to see our big vow, our big heart, and our big dream.

By starting with the end in mind, we can see if the path we are on is pointing us to that BIG VOW or not. I don't think that I will always be able to live up to these highest of principles, but I know I will live a better life if I try. If I point my life in the direction of my BIG VOW, in big and little ways, I'll be moving in the right direction. It's important to remember that our BIG VOW is not fulfilled by achieving at what we aim. Just walking the path to our BIG VOW, IS the the fulfilling of the vow. The two are not separate.

Take some time to write your own funeral and eulogy, or if that is too involved maybe just your obituary. Start with list of things you'd want said about you. One list for family, work etc. You may be surprised by what is on the list and what isn't.

I noticed that there were several things that weren't in my eulogy that I worry about. No one talked about me dating allot of attractive women, or finishing high in my triathlon age group, or having stylish clothes. Part of keeping the end in mind is learning what to leave out.

Thanks for reading and Be well.
Gentoku
dharmatrainer.com

A gift to your future self - 7 habits

    So I've recently been reading the 7 Habits by the wonderful Dr. Covey. One of the things he suggests in the book is that you read the book with an eye towards teaching the concepts to others. So I thought one way to make that really hit home for me is to write a few blog posts about my reflections on the concepts he presents in relation to finding balance in both body and mind. 

    One of the concepts he introduces early on is the idea of finding a balance between P, which stands for production and PC, which stand for production capability. An easy way to think of this is when making coffee:  Coffee is the product, while the Coffee Maker is the production capacity. The goal is to find a balance between these two, so that produce the best product, while keeping your capacity at a sustainable level. 

    Often when we exercise we have a hard time striking the balance between the two, because they are both very intimate to us. When we seek balance through fitness, our bodies are both the P and the PC in this equation. We use our body, to improve our body. Of course there is something very poetic about that as well. In one way, it's very easy to maintain this balance, because the more effort we put into our body, the P, the more we build our fitness, the PC, which lets us put more effort into P. The problem comes when we separate ourselves from our bodies. When we make our bodies the problem. 

No matter what your fitness level your body is a product of 2 things:
1.Your karmic patterns.
2. Your mind. 

    Let's take a quick look at the first. Your body is a very clear example of karma. Karma can be very complicated, but fundamentally it's just cause and effect. You body is the result of a combination of causes. Things like heart disease are caused by family history (genetic cause), how active you were growing up (past cause), and what your diet is life (nutrition cause). This isn't supposed to make you critical of your actions. Instead thinking this way encourages us to notice,  'oh my body is a combination of factors some of which I can control, some of which I can't. This also means that your future body will be a result of current causes and conditions. I'm never going to be 6ft tall no matter how fit I get, but depending on what I do today I can change how fit I am in the future. What I do today is a gift to my future self. What gift do I want to give? 

    The second factor is your mind. Not only is our body image largely determined by our mind, but also our actual body represents the way in which our mind turns. Karma starts with a single thought, which then turns into repeated thoughts or actions or both. Those thoughts and actions turn into patterns, but it is all dependent on that original thought. When we bring more awareness to our minds we make it possible to see our thoughts and step in between them and the things that come afterwards. 

    Awareness it the key to transforming our way of thinking. By acknowledging that our current body is the result of past factors and past states of mind, it becomes clear how important it is to have a compassionate attitude and approach to our fitness. If we make our body the enemy to achieve fitness, we are focusing on the P but not the PC. We are focusing on the effects, but not the causes of our future self. Fitness must start with a gratitude for the body we have now. Your body is the vehicle that will take you where you want to go. If you treat it with honor and respect you will be giving your future self a body that has been honored and respected. If you treat it with disdain and criticism, you give your future self a body that has been criticized. Which body do you want to give yourself? 

    Take sometime at the end of the day or before you workout to reflect on all the good things your body has done for you. Reflect on how it's carried you along, digested your food, helped you do work, and all the other things you can do because you have a body. Then take some time to think about and write down the gifts you want to give your future self. More ease, more confidence, a half marathon finish, appreciation, whatever it is remember that your future self is relying on this very body, this very mind, to help it manifest. Your body and your mind are your companions, your teammates on the path to a balanced life. 

Thanks for reading and be well. 
Gentoku
dharmatrainer.com  

Why be fit?

Why be fit?

There are so many choices about how to spend your time in this life. You could become an expert computer programmer, or cook, or wood worker, or New York Times crossword puzzle completer. So why be fit? Why should you spend your time working on create a healthier body? Especially considering that is will deteriorate no matter what you do.

The ephemeral nature of balance in the body can lead us to wonder why bother at all? If you spend more time working maybe you could buy a really, really, nice car that you can drive even if you're out of shape. But with fitness it takes constant and concerted effort to maintain your investment. Or if you've gotten older it may seem like it's not worth your time to build your body back up. There are many reasons compelling reasons why it's worth it to bring your relationship with your body into balance, but there are two that come up in my mind first.

First, there are few things in your life you will spend as much time with as your body, so it's better to make friends with it. Even if you decide that you don't want to be particularly athletic, regular exercise makes a friend out of your body. That's what friends do, they go out and have fun together. Maybe your idea of fun is sitting on the couch and munching some yummy snacks. Its very true that can be fun, but good friendship is more than just enjoying company. A good friend also pushes you to grow into all that you can be. Taking walks, getting outside, even going to the gym will assure that your friendship with your body has a deep and abiding quality.

The second reason is contained in the impermanent nature of fitness and the body. Working to find and maintain balance in our bodies is a constant dance that requires our love and attention. There is a joy that can be found in this devotion to health and well being. Of course this devotion can get out of control and become an obsession, but if managed well there are few things that can bring us that much joy. The fact that our fitness is something we have to tend to isn't an annoyance or an obsession but it is a wonderful gift. The job demands the best parts of ourselves and reminds us how alive we really are. If you've ever tended a garden, or taken care of a sick friend, or had a pet you have experienced this fully alive engagement .


Take some time this week to reflect on how you could become friends with your body? What can you do to make sure it's a long and mutually beneficial relationship? Then take some time to appreciate the dance of health. What have you learned to find balance and peace around? How could you bring the lessons and most importantly the joy you felt in that area into your everyday practice of exercise.

Thanks for reading and Be Well

Exercised centered life - 7 Habits

So I've done one post about the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Steven Covey, but just a reminder I am sharing this info to encourage myself to think about the lessons as if I was going to teach them, but also because I'm learning a lot about myself from reading the book.

 I recently read the section about finding your center, where Covey relates all the different things people center their lives around. I wondered about people who have fitness as their center. I wanted to reflect on my experience of having exercise at the center of my life.

This last year as my triathlon training picked up I found that exercise had become the center of my life. Well I should clarify that it wasn't just exercise, but fitness in general. 

The Ap
I had an ap on my phone where I obsessively put in calories, I measured all the metrics of my workouts, I read about triathlons, and very very often I didn't do other things because I wanted to workout. 

I got to work late because I wanted to get the last few laps in at the pool. I didn't go out with friends, so that I could get up early and exercise. In and of itself none of these things were a problem. 

There is nothing inherently wrong with choosing something like fitness or training over other things in your life. Many professional or even serious amateur athletes do this all the time. What was wrong, at least for me, was the place that this choice was coming from. 

Don't Screw Up
It was the place of trying really hard not to screw up. It was a place of insecurity, of confusion, and that lacked what Covey calls the 4 factors: security, wisdom, guidance, and power. 

I only felt secure when I had done the training program. I had little access to wisdom other than reliance on the plans wisdom. I was guided by the plan and found power only when I attended to it diligently.

Don't get me wrong there is a part of me that was and is happy that I was so one minded about my efforts. I had a great first olympic tri, my body got stronger. 

I built faith in my ability to apply myself. But instead of moving into training from a strong place of vow and clarity. 

I ran into it out of fear of what else might happen. Fear of the space that would be left if I didn't fill every moment of my life with training. 

How to Live
How often do we do this in our lives? Some people fill that space with food, or tv, others with exercise or information. 

Some of these fillers may be more skillful than others, but if they all come from a fear of what is at the center, or what might not be at center, they are all a bit off.

Many people think that people who are fit are better than those who aren't, especially if they are people who fill space with food and thus don't look as 'in shape' as the exercise centered people. 

In truth many people who are fit are just as scared as you are. In the long run I think exercise has great potential to clarify the mind, but it also has potential to cloud it. It's not about the strategy, but the center that it comes from.

Centered and Strong
When you move forward from a strong center, you greet the world with confidence. Even if you feel uncertain from time to time, that center becomes a force of gravity into which you can lean. Having a strong center is so powerful, because the worldly winds don't hold as much sway on you. 

There is a sense of being able to close your eyes and know in your heart that you are doing your best, by being who you are, with integrity and authenticity. There is hardly a better gift to give to your life and the lives of those around you.

MindFit Move Practice
Take a moment to reflect on a time in your life, where you became centered on some external thing. What did it feel like to be so dependent on something else for security, wisdom, guidance, and/or power? Then reflect on a time where you felt like you had a solid center. Maybe it was when you were much younger and perhaps even idealistic. What was different about that time in your life? What is the center of your life now? If you don't know what could you do to help clarify it?

Be Well.
 ​ 

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A fine tuned machine

ANNOUNCEMENT!! Join the Be Fit To Sit: Mindfulness and Fitness Group starting
 Sunday Sept 23rd  3pm at Irving Park (Future meetings will alternate between NE and SE Portland)

To Read More or Sign Up Click here

Here we are testing a variety of things.

Spiritual practitioners of all walks have long used body movement as a way to ground the mind in the present moment. The goal of this group is to support the healthy function of the body in order to aid in the practice of meditation and mindfulness whether running, walking, cycling, swimming, standing, sitting, or lying down. ​ 

Members of this group are working towards fitness goals. You are welcome to join us in training for a goal event or just to improve your fitness.

Current goals are:
1.Run/walk the Holiday Half Marathon Dec 16th 2012
2. Run/walk the Holiday 5k Dec 16th 2012
3. Join a group of fun and mindful people to build fitness and mindfulness

No matter what your level of fitness you are welcome to join us. As a coach I will work with the group on a training plan to get you from the cushion to the finish line. Plans will be designed for the whole group, but I'm happy to offer advice and help to anyone needing personal consideration.

Cost: First Week Free! Sliding scale $10 - $20 per week or $35 -  $75 for the month.
If cost is a concern for you please contact me so we can talk about it. 
info@dharmatrainer.com

To Read More or Sign Up Click here

I attended an event the other night for my Buddhist Sangha where we were treated to an amazing performance by a classically trained Indian dancer.  At first I had been watching the performance from the back of the room where I was running the sound, but on the longest piece I moved forward so I could sit very close and watch her dance. I was amazed when I got right down next to her how much different the experience was when I was closer to her. It was engrossing.


There was this human body in front of me displaying the nimble expression of emotion and spirit. You could see tendons stretching, muscles taut and flexing. You could see and even feel this gentle, springy poise and strength. It was beautiful. And it struck me that not only was this dancers body a thing of beauty, but the reality is every human body is a fine tuned machine. How often in training have I treated my own body like a old clunker?

There is a tendency sometimes to treat the body like it must be whipped into shape. If we just bang on it enough then the old TV set will show the picture we want to see, a fit form of beauty. When I started training for triathlons this year I often would skimp on the warm up and then try to run as fast as I could, pushing my pace. I didn't respect the fine details and all the delicate parts, that make up my system. And guess what happened? You got it, I started getting little injuries, little cracks in my system. First it was shin splints, then I had IT band problems. Part of me thought it was just that I hadn't worn my body in yet. But I realize now that it's because I didn't work with the subtlety of my own form. My zen teacher used to tell me, "never force mechanical things, if it isn't moving there is a reason, take the time to figure out what it is."

This advice is essential for anyone seeking a balanced body and mind. Often the language used by the fitness industry acts, as if the body is a piece of steel, that can be heated and pounded into form. In reality our bodies are more complex than a super fancy sports car or fighter jet. By doing things like warming up properly, exercising with a sense of awareness, stretching, and engaging is an exercise plan that builds strength and conditioning over time, we can honor the fine tuned nature of our body. But if we ignore what our body is saying at every turn, push it beyond what we can do at the time, and fail to treat it with respect, we reap the results of that attitude.

This isn't to say, that when seeking to have a better fit there will be no discomfort. There does need to be a bit of pushing and cajoling that occurs. But we must do our best to find the balance between pushing and forcing. Discomfort is ok, maybe even a little ache or pain occasionally, but in general consistent persisten pain is best avoided.

Take some time this week and reflect on a time when you haven't treated either your body, a relationship, or another piece of fine tuned machinery roughly or cavalierly. What was the result? What if you had tried a more gentle approach? Then think about what could you do to manifest respect for your body in your life this week.

Maybe you could honor your body with a healthy meal. High end cars often need special fuel. Or, if you have chronic injury, finding a warm up routine that helps strengthen that area. Or you could even try taking better care of your body by taking a bath, or getting massage, or even just thanking your body for helping you out. No matter what it is, if we treat our bodies like a fined tuned machine, our bodies are much more likely to respond in kind.

HEY! What do you think of the post?
I'm refining my style and would love feedback.
Feel free to email me gentoku@dharmatrainer.com
or leave comments below

Thanks and Be Well
Gentoku

Tri Truth: Getting Off Balance

Ok here it goes ... ::DEEP BREATH:: I fell on my bike during my first triathlon. I know I know the shame the shame. (avert your eyes please)

When I was a preschool teacher I remember telling my students about how I fell off my bike. Many of them couldn't believe that I did this. For little kids they think adults can't make the same mistakes they do. They rarely see adults make these mistake and even when they do adults are quick to redirect their attention. Part of that is that as we get older we are less and less willing to look foolish in front of others. Usually our technique for doing this is by avoiding risking anything that might make us fall or stumble in a clear and obvious way.

During my first olympic triathlon there was a water hand off point about mid way on the bike course. That is where nice folks hand out water to thirsty cyclists. During the hand off of said water I had a mishap in which I veered off the road onto some gravel, my bike slid, and hit the ground pretty hard. I wasn't injured (except for my pride), but I had to put the chain back on, realign the brakes, and try to make up for lost time. After the race I had a chance to reflect and see what the lesson might be.

The first thing I reflected on was why I tried to get the water in the first place. I had plenty of water on my bike and I didn't really need a drink. So why risk it? I realized that 2 things had happened the moment before that led to my choice. One was that I saw the guy in front of me grab the water with skill and ease. He took a little sip and then tossed the rest over his body. The second was I thought to myself 'hmm a little water would feel refreshing right now.'

I realized that this pattern is something I can observe in other parts of my life. I observe someone doing something that from the outside looks easy and satisfying. Then I long for that perceived satisfaction and grasp at it. Soon after I realize that their ease is not my ease and often I realize this as I am falling. The lesson I take away from this is that I need to learn to be satisfied with the path I'm on. Another's satisfaction is not my satisfaction.

As we begin to try something new we might see others doing something cool, like a cool workout routine, or maybe some new way to run. We may read about it online or just see someone doing it at the gym or park. Then we think they look so fit and happy doing that, maybe what I am doing is wrong and that's the way to get to where I want to be. So we try it out and maybe it works or maybe we get hurt, because we don't know what were doing. In either case this lasts until the next cool thing comes along.

It takes great faith to stick with what you have sometimes and see it through to the end. Now I'm not saying you should blindly follow one routine if it isn't working. Experimentation, innovation, and discovery are essential tools for growth whether it be physically mentally or spiritually. But there is a difference between deciding to change course and veering suddenly off course to grab at some perceived satisfaction. It's the latter we must be careful about.

Having said all of that I think it's always important to learn from your mistakes. So besides the lesson above I learned 3 additional things.
1. Taking a water hand off on a bike is a learned skill I would like to have.
2. If all I want is a splash of water it's better to ask for help rather than to try to do it all myself.
3. There are much worse things than falling.

Take some time to reflect on some perceived satisfaction you have grasped at on your path. Reflect on how that has worked out for you. Did you get what you sought? What would have happened if you had stayed the course? Were you able to get back on track? Then reflect on a time where you made wise discernment about changing courses. How did that feel different? Where did that desicion come from? What steps could you take to make sure your future choices are aligned with that same wisdom?

I remember when my nephew was learning and mastering walking he fell pretty regularly, but when he fell he fell with a certain amount of grace. I realized after my first tri that the trick is to fall with grace. That there is a balance even in falling.

Tri Truth: A Gift To Your Future Self

I learned at my 1st Olympic length triathlon that expected performance may not look the way you think it's going to. I trained hard to improve my swim times for my race and I swam a little slower than I had hoped, but not too much slower. I swam at a 1:53 per 100yd pace. Which is faster then what I can swim at the pool (my wetsuit helps improve my time.) But even though I swam at a good pace for me (and I am aware that it is a slow pace for Tri swims) I was near the end of the pack in swimming. Coming out of the water I was in 50th place.

I remember during my tri looking around at the swim exit and thinking man I am really slow. How could I have been that slow? But when I looked at my time after the race I realized I swam just as fast as I could have. I realized that my internal dynamics said 'you are performing at your peak,' but the comparison said 'you are under performing.'

This is an easy trap to get caught in whether it be a single race or the overall 'fitness race'. In our society where we are inundated with media images of fitness, it can seem like there is a fitness race we are always losing. Even among people we know we may admire or envy someone who is more fit than us. I have heard again and again you must race your race. The illusion of comparison is that it gives us a good view of what the field is really like. In reality it only gives us a good view of our own mind.

A month before my tri I did a 350m swim and couldn't even do freestyle the entire time. From that place maintaining a 1:53 pace for 1000+ meters was amazing. The mind that arose during the race was the mind of I can't do it, I'm not prepared, look how much better everyone else is doing. But that moment was a snippet in time, not just from my life but from all of theirs. I don't know how many races they've done, or how many years they have trained, I don't know what kind of karma in their lives motivates them. If I showed you a few frames out of a movie and asked you to tell me how good the movie was what would you say? Likely you would say I just don't have enough information. But we do this with our lives all the time. We take a few frames out of a movie and BAM! make a judgement on how we are doing.

I walked out of the grocery store a few weeks ago and saw 3 couples holding hands. I though to myself man everyone I know is in a relationship except for me. What's wrong with me? Why can't I get a girlfriend? and on and on. I watched my mind spin this whole story from one little scene. It's important to reflect on the whole of our lives and challenges. When I reflect on my swimming in this way I see I improved so much. I went from someone who couldn't swim with his head totally in the water 5 months back, to someone who couldn't swim 350meters without switching to breast stroke, to swimming 1000+ meters at a 1:53 pace. THAT'S A HUGE IMPROVEMENT. I doubt many of my competitors could say they improved that much over the last few months. As we get better improvement slows, yet we are often hardest on ourselves at the beginning because we still feel so far behind.

Take some time to reflect on the film of your life. Think of scenes of defeat and reflect what did you or can you learn from them. (Here's a hint if the lesson is I can't do this or I'm such a failure something like it that's not a lesson. That's criticism. The real lesson is more like wow I noticed when I hit a road block I got depressed and fell off track. I wonder what would happen if the next time I hit a road block I tried my best to keep going) Then reflect on scenes of victory: what made then so enjoyable? where did the strength come from to do it? what did those moments move you towards? For example: After my 350m swim I realized I wasn't ready for my big tri swim. So went to the pool as much as possible and starting working harder to get in shape. I learned that when I realized I wasn't where I wanted to be the only thing to do was redouble my efforts. To be patient with myself yes, but also to match my effort to the achievement of my long term goals.

Reflecting on virtue is one of the things that leads us to more peace and acceptance of ourselves and others. Don't just take snippet from your life, appreciate the richness that the whole picture has to offer. Use it as place to encourage you to step forward with confidence. Everything you do today is a gift to your future self.

Tri Truth: The Path is the Fruit

So since I did a triathlon on Sat I thought I would take a few posts and reflect some things I learned.

First, is that doing endurance sports are hard even when you train really well for them. I think people often see endurance athletes or people who are very fit and imagine that it is somehow easy. Make no mistake as I have gotten better in shape I can 'fake' it looking really easy, but I know from internal experience that it is indeed very very hard. If you are giving it your all you are tired at the end. There is tendency to try and look super cool as you finish a race and act like it was no big deal, but even those people are tired.

If you are a fit person who does this or if you are person who envies and idolizes those who are fit remember that appearances aren't everything. It may be true that a elite athlete could do my race at my pace and it would be easy for them, but if they are performing at their peak it will be hard.

We can often get this idea that it will get easier as we go along and in some senses that is true. What was hard today will get easier tomorrow, but as you continue to become more fit the training stays hard. Even maintaining a level of fitness over a long time takes dedication and effort so remember that you have to find the joy in the exertion. Whether that exertion is a Olympic distance triathlon or a jog around the park. It's about enjoying the benefits of putting your mind and body to work. Fitness like life is about the journey As an ancient Buddhist saying goes the path is the fruit.

Vows Part 2 - Seeking Truth

The next element -- once you've decided on your goal and how you're going to approach it -- is to stay true to that determination. In other words, you really stick to your vow and don't suddenly change your mind in mid-course. The only good reason for changing your mind would be if you find that you're doing serious damage to yourself. Then you might want to reconsider the situation. Otherwise, if it's just an inconvenience, or a hardship, you stick with your determination no matter what.

This is your way of learning how to trust yourself. Truthfulness, "sacca", is not simply a matter of speaking the truth. It also means sticking truly to what you've made up your mind to do. If you don't stick truly to that, you've become a traitor to yourself. And when you can't rely on yourself, who will you rely on? You go hoping for someone else to rely on, but they can't do the work you have to do. So you learn to be true to your determination." -Thanissaro Bhikkhu

So this next part of making a vow is the simplest and yet the hardest for many people to keep. It requires that we be really honest with what is going on with our vow. When I was in High School I once had a conversation with someone about how shoplifting from Walmart might somehow be ok because they are such a big company and they mistreat their employees etc. etc. I'll never forget what he said to me, "You can justify it however you want but stealing is stealing." He was totally right.

When I reflect on my life I can see many times where I made excuses for myself and justified my actions. You've probably heard the phrase 'the road to hell is paved with good intentions.' Well I think it would be more apt to say 'the road to hell is paved with good justifications.' It's not the good
intentions that set us on the wrong path it's the justifications that move us
away from those intentions.

Keeping a vow means being honest about how it's going. Are you doing the exercise you said you were going to do when you said you were going to do it? You might have a good reason for being late, but are you still late? This isn't to say you should beat yourself up about any slip you might have. That's extra, but as my spiritual teacher told a dear friend of mine DON'T WOBBLE! If you're wobbling be honest, right yourself, and step forward with confidence. Be gentle but firm with yourself. Imagine the big you the part of you that stays calm in the storm, nudging the part of you thats freaking out and justifying because it's scared. Imagine the big you gently but firmly pushing you where you want to go. If it gets to be a shoving match ease up. It's not about being rough, it's about a slow gentle but firm pressure. It's this kind of pressure that created the Grand Canyon, the lovely beaches, and spiritual leaders like the Buddha or Christ. It's the kind of pressure that transforms lives over the long term.

Lying to ourselves is one of those insidious habits that grows and grows. It's like termites eating the support beams of our vows. But being honest with ourselves and returning again and again to our vows and our intentions is like adding more support beams. That's why truth, hard as it can be to swallow, is such an essential element to making changes real in our lives.

Take some time to reflect on someplace in your life where you have been lying to yourself about keeping your vows. How can do better the next time? What tools can you use to support that vow? What preparations can you make to set yourself up for success? Then take a few moments to reflect on a place where you are being honest with your vow. What does it feel like to reflect on that virtue? How is being honest with that vow changing your life?

Thanks for reading the next post will be about the next aspect of vow and determination: relinquishment.

Vows, Goals, and Intentions

  When we seek to transform our lives, whether it is quitting smoking, eating healthier, being kinder to others, or bringing our physical being into balance, it is important to understand how this kind of change happens. We'd like to think that it's just a matter of will power, that we just need to say we'll do it and then stick to the plan. Of course we know what they say about men, plans, and mice.

  In reality making a vow or setting a goal is a very organic process. When a tree or other plant seeks to take it's natural form it has to adapt to the environment or it will die. A river doesn't just take a straight line to the sea. It negotiates the path with the landmarks around it. All too often when I have set goals I think of them as a straight line to the sea, but in reality I have several landmarks to work with. If I'm willing to negotiate my goals to match the landscape of my life I am more likely to reach the sea.

  I recently read an article at my Dharma Punks sitting group by Thanissaro Bhikkhu about the practice of vow as an aspect of determination. This article identified 4 aspects of good determination: discernment, truth, relinquishment, and peace. The articles describes each of these aspects in a nice clear way.

  First, it says of discernment: "Discernment here means two things. To begin with, it means setting wise goals: learning how to recognize a useful vow, one that aims at something really worthwhile, one in which you're pushing yourself not too little, not too much -- something that's outside your ordinary expectations but not so far that you come crashing down. Second, it means clearly understanding what you have to do to achieve your goals -- what causes will lead to the results you want."

  This aspect of setting goals is important to understand and practice. I've learned from years of working that it's always better to under promise and then over deliver, but I all to often forget to do this with myself.

  Let's say you have a new friend would you lend them your car/bike? Lets say you've only seen them drive/ride twice. Once they were safe, the other time there were reckless. Would that effect your decision? 50% of your experience of them is negative. Compare that to how you would feel lending it to an old friend. One who you've seen break a few traffic laws but overall is a trustworthy person. The difference is clear, but often we treat ourselves like the old friend when our transforming self is mor like new acquaintance.

   It takes time to build confidence in ourselves and see even if we make mistakes that we will stick to the path in the long run. As you start any new process to transform your life make sure to remember to take things slowly and work to build trust over time. Making and keeping small promises or goals with yourself will give you the confidence to keep bigger promises.

  The second aspect of discernment that the article identifies is "clearly understanding what you have to do to achieve your goals." Setting goals and making vows are wonderful, but many times I have been unrealistic about what it would take meet those goals. It meant giving up things I liked and making hard choices sometimes. Don't have any illusions that you will find some shortcut to changing your life. It all about slow and steady progress and appreciating small victories.

  If we fixate too much on the goals in the distance we lose sight of the steps it takes to get there. If you've ever run, biked, or even driven on the plains you know what this is like. If you watch some far off object it feels like it would take years to get there. But if you focus on each step, each breath, before you know it you've passed what seemed so far away.

  After I decided that I was going to start doing triathlons I didn't look at all the weeks of training it would take. I just worked on the week that I was on. At first swimming 1000 meters seemed impossible, but week after week I went to the pool and swam 100 meters 10 times with a little rest in between. Then one day I tried to swim 1000 meters in the Willamette river. It was HARD! I just wasn't ready yet. So I doubled my efforts I went to the pool 2 more days a week and started pushing myself even harder. If I had said oh well this isn't working I just give up that would've mean no triathlons. Instead I found that within a few weeks I was able to swim 1000 meters comfortably. I just needed a little extra push.

  I focused on the steps to where I wanted to go not that my goal, despite my hard work, still seemed so far away. My initial assessment of what I needed to do wasn't quite right, but that's ok because I was willing to adjust to find the right path. When making goals we have to use our discernment to decide what we can trust ourselves to do and then focus on the steps to getting there. That way when we run into a road block we can see it as a small side step, rather than thinking we are completely derailed.

This week take the time to write down your goals at least 3 times. Then write down one concrete step you can take this week to get where you want to go. Lastly reflect on how achieving your goal will be of benefit to others. Your actions could inspire others, give you more confidence, or lengthen your life and thus the time you spend with loved ones. It's important to remember that everything we do is not just for ourselves. When we are healthier happier people the merit just spreads out.

Thanks for reading and next post I'll write about the second aspect of determination, Truth.

Be well.