Why didn’t I exercise over Thanksgiving?

The holidays break up our routines and tug at our heartstrings. They have bring up old memories as well as old insecurities. For many people this season is a season of pitfalls and minefields for health vows. Here are 4 tips on how to navigate the holidays and maintain mindfulness around living a balanced and healthy life.


1. Cook more veggies: For thanksgiving many people have a CARB FEST. The problem with this is that carbs have tons of excess calories and they tend to make us sleepy and lethargic. You know all the stuff about tryptophan in the turkey? Bogus. They have done studies and the reason you get so sleepy is the massive intake of carbs. Instead try cooking more veggies. This year I sautéed kale with golden raisins and my uncle grilled fresh asparagus. Half of my thanksgiving plate was veggies and I didn’t have to take a nap after dinner. If you are going over to someone’s house, offer to bring some veggies along -- you will likely be one of the few people touting leafy greens.


2. Make plans to exercise: If you can exercise with your family, great. If not, include your exercise in your plans with your family. Family stuff has a way of expanding to take up the time you have, so set clear intentions and tell your family what those plans are. You are more likely to follow through.


3. Don't drink too much: I made this mistake. My family is not a big drinking family, but when everyone else is having a beer, it’s easy to go along. I rarely drink, but when I was home I had a cocktail almost every night. Because of this I tended to wake up later and a bit groggier.   You can be festive without imbibing and you are much more likely to wake up early and go for a run. It’s OK to have a drink or two, but an every other day rule might be the best policy.


4. Get enough sleep: I know you want to see your friends, and your extended family probably wakes up earlier than you normally do. Going to bed early every other night will ensure that you get to stay up and enjoy that late night discussion of metaphysics with your cousin, or hear things you never knew about your uncle. It will also make sure you get enough sleep and thus have enough energy to exercise.


Take some time this week and create a plan for how you are going to get through the holidays mindfully. Don’t forget to give yourself more slack than normal. The goal is to maintain awareness more than any strict rules that will be hard to stick to.  If nothing else remember this one simple rule: the holidays only last 1-2 months, just make it through ‘til January 2nd and then commit to starting back into your old routine.

The art of not caring too much.

So it happens to all of us. Work gets crazy busy, we don't have enough time to exercise, we can't see our friends, and things just won't stop. Stress can make any of us lose it a little bit and the long term health consequences are real. Stress causes all sorts of chronic illness and leads us to engage in unhealthy habits like overeating, drinking, and using drugs. Hectic times can't be avoided, but there are some one practice that is vital if you want to navigate these waters with as little stress as possible.

Hold your preferences and opinions lightly: Ok, so this is one of the toughest practices to develop as a habit, but it's probably one of the most transformational.

  Everyone, and I mean everyone has some perspective on everything that gets done. Even if that perspective is 'I don't care.' Very often people think there way is the best way. Usually there are several good ways to do something, but we start to identify with our way and then we get upset when things are done differently. Our way becomes us. An attack on our way, becomes an attack on us.

Now the truth. Our way, maybe it's the best, maybe not, but mostly it's just one of many opinions in the universe. Also it's probably not an especially important one. Now an opinion on whether or not you should give birth to a child, or kill living beings, that is an important preference. Mostly though our preferences are for the way we put silverware in a dishwasher, or the proper way to put on a roll of TP.

I have learned to let go of many these types of preferences. They just don't really matter that much in the long run and when they are challenged, I go, "You know this isn't really worth getting upset about."

It's a relief to do it, because then I'm not holding up this big sense of self. I don't have to lug around my silly ego manifested in 1000's of little tiny preferences and opinions. Life becomes simpler, but I don't lose my sense of power or self worth.

When something really matters to me I speak up and I speak up loud. When this happens people listen, because I don't  speak up about just anything. When I speak up I know it's important because I've let go of so many unimportant preferences go. Things that drove me up the wall and things I've fought about with ex-partners are no longer a big problem in my life.

So you may be wondering how to practice letting go of preferences. First, just notice when your preferences are coming up and pay attention to if they are really important or not. Next when something rubs you the wrong way learn to breath and let it go. Then repeat until you are getting really reactive then take a break. Finally, learn the difference between boundaries and preferences.

Boundaries keep you safe, but preferences keep you trapped in reactivity. While trying to let go of preferences notice those that make up your sense of integrity and well being. Part of the way you find you boundaries is by letting them get crossed. When I let go of preferences often I find that some preferences think are important, aren't and some that I saw as silly, are actually important to me.

Experiment and don't be afraid to talk to someone about getting reactive. It's not the getting reactive that is the problem, it's the stewing about it. Letting go of preferences isn't the same as holding it all in. The key, as always, is paying close attention to the little tricks our mind plays.

Letting go of preferences and opinions is a hard practice, but now that I have done it for years I can stay calm and cool in many situations. People tell me that I'm such a calm person and I'm convinced the reason why is that I have learned to hold myself lightly.

Try letting go of preferences this week. Start with some silly ones and go from there. Put the silverware in the 'wrong way,' roll that TP from the underside, and mostly have fun with it. When we see how silly we have been all these years it's less embarrassing, then hilarious.

Thanks for reading and Be Well
Gentoku
dharmatrainer.com

Why is it a good rule to not have rules?

Sure sure I've heard it before RULES! RULES! RULES! THEY TOTALLY RULE! Except  sometimes they sort of don't.

Rules are not a panacea ( panacea - n. A solution or remedy for all difficulties or diseases). They can be helpful in some situations, but very often they can actually impede the very thing that can create change in your life, AWARENESS!!! (oooo ahhh).

I love rules and who doesn't, they make life so simple. I just listen to this set of parameters my mind determines and everything will be fine.

I mean that's what makes human beings so great, it's our ability to blindly follow a set of instructions without question. Ok ok so you have you have probably picked up on my sarcasm at this point, but maybe not. I don't really think that following rules are what makes us unique animals.

Bees and Ants
Bee's and Ants are great because they follow set rules well and in some ways humans ability to follow rules has helped us, but what really make us unique is our ability to adapt and reflect.

Humans are unique in our ability to problem solve, but even more so we are unique in our ability to be aware of our awareness. We can reflect on whether or not we are being present in a situation and what our motivations are.

The key to adapting successfully is awareness, but all to often we rely on rules instead of awareness to guide us.  So let take the same situation and see what happens when we use rules instead of awareness to guide us.

Sally and The Cheese
Sally has lost alot of weight in the past, but has put some of it back on. She works out regularly, but feels like she has lost her way out of fitness. She notices she has some cheese in her fridge. She knows that if she has cheese, she will eat it, so she throws it out.

She decides no more cheese, but then another voice arises in her, perhaps one of not wasting food or maybe a voice that is comforted by cheese when she feels anxiety. She reconsiders takes the cheese out of the garbage, but then the rule voice reemerges, "NO CHEESE!" it says. So back in the trash with cheese.

She feels better, but is not quite sure what happened. She wishes she could be stronger, that she was just a normal person.

Mind Hunger
In this example, we can see all the forces at play for Sally, but she doesn't necessarily notice them. She is aware of only one kind of hunger: "Mind Hunger."

Mind hunger is hunger based on rules and regulations set up by our mind. All the facts and figures that you have in your head about how you eat, all the ideas you have about nutrition, and all the articles you have ever read about food are what make up mind hunger.

The problem with mind hunger and the rules that it makes up, is that they can either be followed or broken. It's a very black and white world, but this world only works we are feeling good and strong.

Heart Hunger
In the example above, there are all these other hungers and voices that Sally may not see. There is heart hunger, her need to be comforted. There is mouth hunger, her love of the taste of  things like cheese.

There is also likely some inner critic, Sally's internal voice that tells her she will fail. There is an inner coach that is telling her how to get in shape. All of these factors are hidden behind a wall of rules and morality.

Awareness
Now let's imagine what might happen if Sally was aware of all of her hungers and the voices that created this internal struggle over weight and cheese.

The situation is the same Sally has lost a lot of weight, but put some back on. She works out, but feels like she has let herself down in the fitness department. She notices a block of cheese in her fridge, she knows if she has cheese she will likely eat it, but she wants to get into shape. The urge to throw it out arises.

Curiosity
This time Sally notices the urge to throw it out and gets curious. Why does she want the throw out a perfectly good block of cheese? She notices that some voices are arising in her.One voice (the inner critic) is telling her she doesn't have the will power to have cheese and not eat it. Another voice (the inner coach) tells her she better get with the program, which means throwing out the cheese, getting on a stricter work out schedule, etc. etc.

She notices these voices and first acknowledges that some of the things they are saying really hurt. She is feeling sad and scared that she won't get her weight down to what she wants. Next she wonders if the voices are telling her the truth.

Will Power
Does she have no will power? No that's not true, she works out, she writes a blog, she has run long races before; so she must have will power. She may be more likely to eat cheese if she has it in her house, but overall she doesn't have a problem with will power. She can observe that she has a need for competency when it come to healthy eating habits, but she doesn't judge herself for not always making the best choices.

Sally wonders, Is the inner coach voice helpful? Well it does seem to be motivating her to make healthier choices, but it's technique is ignoring all of the complex needs that are coming up for her. It only see's a world where there are rules and she better follow them or else. She sees this voice can be helpful, but if she listens to it, without considering her needs, she will likely burn out and not be able to sustain a life-long transformation.

Comfort
Next she notices that when she is feeling stressed out or anxious about herself and her body she starts to feel empty inside. When she eats the cheese she is comforted by the flavor and how good it tastes. It feeds her heart hunger. She realizes that though she may throw the cheese out, she won't feel any better if she doesn't also find a way to feed that empty part of herself that is comforted by eating yummy cheese.

She also notices she eats cheese as a reward. She needs to do something to celebrate her successes. Again she notes that she can throw the cheese out, but that she needs to find some other way to reward herself for a job good done. She brainstorms other healthier ways to reward herself.

Finally she notices that she loves the crap out of cheese. She can throw the cheese out, but she can't throw her love of cheese out. Cheese satisfies her mouth hunger so much. She realizes that she doesn't want to stop eating cheese, but maybe she can just eat it less often. When she does buy it, maybe she just buys a bit less.

The Power of Reflection
After all this reflection, Sally feels better, she may not understand everything that's going on with her, but she has a much better idea. Sally acknowledges that these parts of her need to be honored, but that she does want to make healthier choices. She decides to throw the cheese out to support her desire to be fit, but does so with the awareness that it's just cheese she is throwing out, not all the things the get fed by eating cheese.

We can see in the second example how much more Sally was able to observe, by looking into all the motivations that lead to her inner conflict over the cheese.

In the first example she wants cheese, but she feels weak, so she must throw it out. In the second example she sees she is strong, but that she needs to find some more awareness to meet the needs she has arising. She wants to be in shape, but she wants to honor all the parts of her that need to be fed.

Change
The key to transformation is awareness  Until we see a bit of the internal show of our mind we are doomed to repeat our karmic patterns again and again. The world of fitness talks A LOT about will power, will power, will power, but that only takes you so far.

The truth is will power is just one part of your mind and you have to honor all the parts of your being if you want to become a new person.

It's like the difference between repainting a house versus rebuilding it's foundations. Will power can change how you look on the outside, but awareness changes how you think and feel on the inside in a deep and fundamental way.

Take some time this week to notice a unhealthy pattern you want to change. Reflect on the voices, feelings, needs, and motivations that arise in you. Write down what you notice and try to find a way to honor all the parts of yourself while making healthy choices.

You don't have to notice as much as Sally in our example. Even just a little small bit of awareness can make a big difference in your ability to transform your life.

Thanks for Reading and Be Well
Gentoku

Whats the difference between a missed workout?

Some days you are going to miss your workout. I know a personal trainer shouldn't say things like that, right? Your workout schedule should always be maintained, ALWAYS!!! NO EXCUSES!!! The truth is there are going to be days when you just can't make it happen.

Perhaps your schedule got screwed up or perhaps something came up at work. You might come down with the flu or maybe your cat sat on your lap and you just can't bear to move the sweet feline. No matter what the reason it's not a reason to PANIC!!!

Everyone misses a workout now and again. I used to get really bothered during triathlon training season about missing workouts. Partly because workouts are what kept me sane, but also because I was afraid. I was afraid that if I took a misstep, I would fall off the path completely.

When you are first transforming your life this is very natural. It's likely you have some little internal critic warning you against the numerous failures and violations of trust you have committed against yourself in life. It's not something to be ashamed about we all do it. We start with good intention and we stumble off the path. In a way this voice's diligence is important for you to pay attention to. Missing workouts can become a pattern and a habit that develops into a longer trend.

The trick is how to tell the difference between an occasional exception and a growing rule. Here are a few tools you can use assure you are sticking to your workout plan.

1. Make weekly instead of daily goals - When you are setting your goals try to make weekly goals that you sometimes exceed. This way if you miss a day you can always make it up another day. By setting weekly goals you can shift your work out schedule to meet whatever needs arise.

In addition by setting weekly limits you'll be less likely to try to get a bunch of workouts in one week, to make up for the last week. Fitness doesn't really work like that, by breaking your schedule down into weekly chucks you can manage your progress. If last week didn't go great that's ok you can start up again this week. These short manageable commitments makes long term progress possible.

2. Commit to a max number of days between work outs- I've heard many people decide not to go more than two days without doing some sort of physical activity. This tool is simple you just set this standard and keep to it. This way if you workout daily and you miss a workout for some reason, it's alright you're within your limit, but after three days it's likely your slacking or making up excuses.

 The important part of regular exercise is the regular part. Even if it's just getting out for a short walk, if you make exercise part of your week you will be more likely to keep it up. Even if your max number of days is three or four, your rule can be your workout snooze button. If you decide you need an extra day to rest, your snooze button rule will make sure you don't slip into a prolonged no-exercise slumber.

3. Commit to a workout group or workout partner - Social pressure is a powerful thing, you might as well use it to your advantage when you can. If you know that you will have to meet with someone or a group of someones, you are more likely to make it to your workouts. In addition  knowing you will see others who are working out regularly will encourage you to stick to your fitness plan.

When I was training for Reach the Beach, a one hundred mile charity ride, I knew each week I was going to be meeting up with other riders to train. These were serious cyclists and if I was going to keep up with them each week, I needed to stick to my training schedule. Every time I got sick or took a day or two off, I would feel it on the weekend rides. These rides became something that I looked forward to, but were also a tool to keep me focused on my long term goals.

There are many way to find people to support you, getting a personal trainer is one of the best ways to do this, but so is meeting regularly with a workout group or just having a workout buddy. Having someone hold you accountable keeps you honest about your effort and helps you make sure you stick to your long term goals. A personal trainer, exercise group, workout buddy, or even just an active friend can inspire you with their dedication, commitment, or resilience, and often you can inspire them as well.

These are just a few of the tools you could use to make sure a missed workout doesn't become a pattern, but there are many others. Take some time this week and ask yourself, what can I use to keep myself on track? Are there any groups that will support my goals, or are there any friends who might have goals similar to my own? What will motivate me to keep going when life gets in the way? What are some other tools I can use to make sure I don't quit when my life gets complicated?

No matter what your commitment to fitness is and what your goals are, using these tools to help keep you on track can make the difference between a short term change and a life long transformation. A missed workout is no big deal, but every  Often we put too much emphasis on personal will power in fitness. Sure having will power is great, but having support is even better. It's not about doing it all on our own, instead its about just getting it done.

Thanks for reading and Be Well,
Gentoku

Being a NEWB: The practice of being a new person

We've all been there before. It's the first day of school, a new job, a bicycle riding group, fitness class, etc. and we feel lost, confused, and helpless.

Here is this group of people that know each other talk the same language, share similar values, wear similar clothes, and know the in's and outs better than you. Every time, even if we've been the new person a 1000 times, it's weird awkward and down right scary.

We want to be accepted, we want to be in the know, and more than anything we wish we felt comfortable. Very often we feel like little kids all over again.

I recently joined a masters swim club to improve my swimming time and ability. I've joined many new groups and know how these things go, but without fail I end up feeling lost, weird, and awkward.

So I decided to write a post about the practice of being a new person, because it is a very interesting practice and it actually reveals alot about who we are.

Step 1: Admit you're scared and step forward.
When we enter a new group old habits of protection arise, old strategies emerge, old insecurities are abound, because we are unsure we will be taken in by this tribe.

In traditional cultures not being taken in could mean isolation, hunger, and even death; so our fears are well founded. The first step as you enter a new group is to just admit to yourself it's scary.

 Trying to act like it's not scary just makes things harder. Now that's not to say that you should be shy, timid, or hesitate.

What it means is that you should admit you're scared and then do your best to go for it. Hesitation only breeds more fear and hesitation, but confidence breeds confidence.

Step 2: You don't know what you're talking about.
Whenever we enter a new group it's best to take the attitude that we don't know what were talking about. Even if you've been in a similar group or setting each group has some specialized language or gestures that you will need to learn.

 If you don't feel comfortable asking questions right away, and I often don't at first, then just watch very carefully. See what other people are doing and do that.

When I first started doing group rides, I learned quickly what hand signals meant. People pointed out potholes and debris, people warned others when they were stopping. So I would watch and then imitate, imitate, imitate. 

Then whatever terms you don't know just ask about. I don't know how many times I floundered around in a new group until I figured out what the hell they meant. Just remember it's cool, you just don't know what you're talking about.

In reality most people don't know what they are talking about at some point. The key is to admit it to yourself, forgive yourself for the awkward mess you may very well be and keep at it.

What you shouldn't do is act like you know what's going on, esp. if you don't actually know whats going on. You may come off a cocky and you set yourself up for quite a fall if you miss a key cue.

There are people who can act like old pros and they are old pros. If you are one of these you know it and if you aren't don't try to act like one. People love an underdog, so just be an underdog.

Step 3: The trick is to keep going.
Very often in new groups, people are slow to warm up. They may even be pretty skeptical of new members. If you've been a part of a public group for a long time you know why this is. Most people who join a group quit within a week or two. Why?

 Well there are lots of reasons why people don't stick around, but most people quit because it's hard to be the new guy and it's hard to stick with change. If you have been the veteran member of a group it's hard to take these new people seriously because most of them quit pretty fast.

Why invest time in someone who may very well be gone next week? Instead people will often wait a few weeks to see if you will stick and then they will get more friendly. 

Remember that you are scared of all these new people, but in a way these new people are scared of you too. You are an unknown entity and value.

You could be cool as Elvis and as Saintly and John the Baptist or you could be the exact opposite. The only difference between them and you is they have safe people to talk to instead of you.

While you only have yourself to talk to, which I wouldn't recommend doing out loud when you first join a group. Remember that every person in this group was the new person once.

They were scared and uncomfortable just like you were. The biggest difference between the newbie and the accepted teammate is time.

MindFitMove Practice
Take some time and reflect on when you tried something new.
What about it was really scary and what about it was really exciting?
Think of something you have always wanted to try, but never did.
Why not try it now?
What exactly do you have to lose?
Finally, in the groups that you already attend, think about what could you do to help new people feel more comfortable.

The easiest way to get to know people in a group you join, or to get to know new people in your group is to ask open ended questions.

Be curious about the people around you, in fact even if you think you know the people in your group now, you'd be surprised what you will find out if you just ask then open ended questions and take the time to really listen.

 One thing we often don't give space for is other peoples lives, hopes, and dreams. We are so caught up in our own agenda we don't take the time to really hear others.

Try to hear one friend or family member this week in a deeper way. You might be surprised with what they have to say.

Thanks for reading and Be Well,
Genotku

dharmatrainer.com

How to exercise in the rain - The Whiny Voice

Here in Portland the winter months are coming. The hints are there, the occasional overcast skies, the cooling morning. That means that the rain will soon be here and thus a built in excuse not to get outside and exercise. No matter what part of the country you live in, the weather can be a reason to get out of your workout routine. Partially this is natural. Traditionally changes in activity would be dictated by the conditions, though most weather demanded more effort from our ancestors than we have today. Winter meant getting fire wood to chop, summer may have meant walking and carrying water, spring time planting or hunting, and fall meant harvesting.

In our modern times it is so easy to be comfortable, so little is required of us, physically, to survive. Which is why it is all the more important to stay active in the winter months or whenever the weather is less than ideal. And let's be honest the weather is often not ideal, unless of course you live somewhere the weather is often ideal (I'm looking at you San Diego), in which case you can skip this post. I've decided to write a few posts about how to maintain an exercise routine even when the weather is bad. If you have other ideas please feel free to share them.

The hardest this about exercising in inclement weather, is the hardest thing about ever doing exercise, GETTING STARTED. There are many techniques to work with less than ideal circumstances, here is one of my favorites.

Paying attention to who is talking.
* Scroll down for a note on voice and voice dialog if your not familiar with this concept.

You are supposed to go for a bike ride, but it's cold and rainy outside. You sit inside staring at the rain and think, 'ah man it's going to be so cold a rainy out there, I don't want to ride my bike, I'll get all gross and have to wear stupid bulky rain gear.' Etc.

    The first step to working with this part of your mind is to ask, "How old is this whiny voice?" For me the voice is usually about fourteen. I can even imagine that 14 year old saying the above, crossing their arms, and huffing. We often equate ourselves with the little voices or energies in us that resist doing what we know is, 'the best thing for us.' This can lead to guilt and to thinking that we are weak, but we aren't weak, we just have a 14 year old voice living inside of us. There is nothing wrong with that at all, but we have to work with that energy when it arises. When I notice this part of me arise, I   talk to that 14 year old. I might even imagine myself as 14 and  say out loud, "I know that you don't want to go outside in the rain, but you know that if you do you'll have a good time. I promise that when we get home, we'll take a warm shower, and we'll feel really proud of ourselves." Does this always work? No. Sometimes the teenager wins and I stay inside and watch TV, but more often then not, when I am aware of that whiny voice and acknowledge it, I can find a wiser part of myself and get out the door.

How old is your whiny voice? Can you visualize yourself at a certain age when it's up? In what other areas of your life do you hear it?

Next time you find your whiny mind arising, try to talk to it in a gentle way to help get yourself out the door. Remember what worked to motivate you at that age, it might work for this part of yourself now. Yelling at it, criticizing it may work in the short term, but since it's a part of you, you are better off learning to love and respect it. Try different techniques to work with it and see what gets the most traction.

For extra credit try and notice other voices that arise when you exercise.  Maybe sometimes you have a little internal coach or cheerleader. Maybe you have an internal champion, or perhaps an internal underdog. I'm sure most of us have a critical voice or energy that arises. Paying attention to the parts of ourselves that arise, in exercise and life, can help us know what our mind is up to. We can learn to access the voices and energies that help us and to help the voices that hold us back. No voice or energy is wholly bad, but some are trying to help us in pretty messed up ways. By hearing and working with these parts of ourselves, we gain more knowledge of our mind and more peace in our lives.

Thanks for reading.
Be Well.
Genotku
dharmatrainer.com

*A quick note this post talks about different voices or energies that we encounter as part of our being. It is based on the philosophy of voice dialogue which acknowledges that we are all made up of a mixture of different energies and motivations. These voices or energies are what makes us able to play different roles in our lives and move from being at work to being at home. These energies or voices can be discovered and brought forth as a way to understand different aspects of our being. For a list of different selves check out this site- http://www.voicedialogue.com/which_self_are_you.htm

Listening to Language / Consequences - 7 Habits

Again just a reminder I am reading the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Steven Covey right now. I am using my blog as a way to take in the material with a mind towards teaching it to others.

There is a part of 7 Habits where Covey talks about listening to our language. Specifically paying close attention to when we use reactive phrases, as opposed to proactive ones. Very often when I talk about fitness or training I hear reactive phrases from people. When I tell people about training for and racing triathlons, I usually get one or two reactions. Most people say some version of, 'That's great, but I could never do something like that,' or 'I wish I could do that, but (enter excuse here: I'm too busy, I've got a knee injury...).' Few people acknowledge that they are making a choice not to do triathlons. Now I'm not advocating everyone should do a triathlon (seriously you should though), I'm merely saying in most cases not doing a tri is a choice, rather than the result of some outside force.'

Whenever we do or don't do something, it is rare that we are compelled or prevented from doing it. In reality we are making a choice of one action, over another. We do this primarily because: 1. We don't want to suffer the likely consequences of the choice, or 2. We don't want to put in the effort to manifest that action in the world. In this post I'll talk about the first case and I'll discuss the second case in a later post.

A clear example of the first case can be found in this statement: "I can't work out in the morning, I have to be at work at 9:00am." What choices does this statement hide? For one the choice not to wake earlier before work or the choice to get more sleep. Another would be the choice to be on time to work instead of working out. Another would be the choice to go to work at all, instead of spending time on fitness.

Many of us would think the last choice is a reasonable and prudent one. The choice to keep my job, or to be on time, instead of working out seem like wise ones, but we still choose. In truth I could choose to lose my job and work out instead. But if I don't want the consequences of losing a job, then I'd be wise to choose work over working out.  In many instances changing our language wouldn't mean changing our choice, but it does reveal that we are making a choice.

To use proactive language in the example above, you could say "I choose not to work out in the morning, because I want to get 8 hours of sleep and get to work on time." When we read this phrase we can see all the possibilities I've overlooked. Maybe I could go to bed earlier, so I can wake up earlier. Maybe I could choose to get less sleep and use the extra time to exercise. By using reactive language we disempower ourselves. Instead of taking responsibility for our choices we paint ourselves as victims who can't choose anything else. When we use proactive language we paint ourselves as capable people who are choosing what we want in our lives.

Listen this week to yourself and others, and notice when reactive language is being used. When you catch yourself or others take some time to think about the hidden choices. How could you restate the some thing and acknowledge the choice involved? When you see those choices can you see other choices you could make?

The Buddha talked about karma starting with thought. Before any volitional unskillful act occurs an unskillful thought must occur first. By listening to our language we can reveal the illusions and delusions in our thoughts. By taking responsibility for our language we can learn to take responsibility for our lives. Covey talks about this as the ability to choose our response. Change comes from choosing a new response to our lives and language lies at the door to this change.

Thanks for reading,
Be Well

Gentoku
dharmatrainer.com

Hey! Like my blog? Leave a comment and let me know, or better yet send it to a friend or colleague, or even better do both.

 I'm new to this blogging game so any help you can give me is really appreciated. Thanks!

The Eulogy Project: 7 Habits

If you've been reading my blog you know I've been writing posts related to what I've been reading in the book, "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People" by Steven Covey.

One of the exercises that Covey encourages the reader to do, is to write in detail about your own funeral and eulogy. It is in the part of the book that discusses habit two, "Start with the end in mind." Writing about your own funeral may seem morbid to some people, but it can be a very powerful experience.  Covey encourages the reader to 'access the right side of the brain, by using imagery and details.' He talks about how this enables you to access a more holistic part of yourself. In our world the left, or more logical side of the brain, is often favored. I know that I rely heavily on my logical mind, so I welcomed this exercise as way to peer deeper into my more intuitive 'right brain.'

I wrote out a description of my funeral in great detail. I tried to include scents, sounds, and what people were doing as they talked. As I wrote I found myself getting caught up in the story and it often felt like the words were writing themselves. I described the different people who were there, from friends and sangha members, to my family and professional colleagues. Then I listened as one person from each group talked about my life. I tried my best to listen as I spoke through them in my narrative.

One of the first things that surprised me was that I wrote about a business partner and a professional mentor being at my funeral. These are two people I don't have in my life right now, but as I wrote I realized that I want to have people like this in my life. One aspect of visualization is that often hidden desires have a chance to surface. Our logical mind might think, 'it's silly to imagine you have a business partner, you don't even have a business yet,' but our imagination can reveal what we desire. Moving forward with that clarity, we can be more aware of opportunities to fulfill that desire. I know that I will now be looking at other people I meet as potential mentors and business partners. By being open to that desire I am much more likely to see that opportunity for a great partnership.

Next I wrote from the perspective of a member of my spiritual community (sangha in Buddhist terms). They talked about how I blended spiritual teaching into my everyday life. I was already aware that I valued this blend, but visualizing someone from my community saying it helped me see how important it really is. Often we hold things we value at a distance from our selves. We do this out of fear that maybe we can't make it happen. Perhaps you really want to run a half marathon, but because you think you can't do it, you try not to think about it. When we visualize, the logical part of our brain can't come in and say 'you can't,' instead we are free to dream what we want. In truth your dreams are not as far out of your reach as you think. Visualizing helps us see what is possible and what our hearts long for.

Another person who spoke at my funeral was a close friend. They spoke about loyalty and how I was there when they needed me, but they also spoke about how I pushed them. Often I have felt that my tendency to push and challenge people might annoy my friends. When I visualized my friend saying they appreciated being pushed, I realized that my perception of that as a weakness wasn't accurate. When we visualize, our judging mind is less active. The logical side of the brain that keeps score isn't tracking and so the underlying value of something has a chance to surface. I realized that I enjoy people that support me, but also push me to become better. It makes perfect sense that my close friends would value the same things. The intuitive side of ourselves can often see more contours of truth. Outside of keeping score and judging many of the traits we label 'weaknesses' are the contours that make us unique and special to others.

Finally I heard from a member of my family. For this I visualized a son. The things he said are kernels of wisdom I hope to pass on and many of them were given to me by my father. My visualized son talked about integrity and love. He talked about how I saw and heard the people in my life; how I inspired and challenged them. The last thing he said touched me the most. He said that everything I did in my life was an expression of the deep love I had for other people.

This reveals a belief that I have long held, but rarely admit.  I realized that I want very much to embody that love in my life. In big gestures, but also in all the little things that I do. I want to live a life guided and embedded with love.

Visualization can often bring to light a fundamental vow that we don't want to admit. We might think that vow is idealistic or childish. We might be ashamed, because we aren't living up to that aspiration. This kind of visualization can cut through that guilt or doubt and reveal the truth of our hearts. I write daily vows, but none of them contained the vow to embed love into everything I do. My logical mind, who makes the lists, can't really understand that vow. It's a BIG VOW.

Visualization gives us a chance to see our big vow, our big heart, and our big dream.

By starting with the end in mind, we can see if the path we are on is pointing us to that BIG VOW or not. I don't think that I will always be able to live up to these highest of principles, but I know I will live a better life if I try. If I point my life in the direction of my BIG VOW, in big and little ways, I'll be moving in the right direction. It's important to remember that our BIG VOW is not fulfilled by achieving at what we aim. Just walking the path to our BIG VOW, IS the the fulfilling of the vow. The two are not separate.

Take some time to write your own funeral and eulogy, or if that is too involved maybe just your obituary. Start with list of things you'd want said about you. One list for family, work etc. You may be surprised by what is on the list and what isn't.

I noticed that there were several things that weren't in my eulogy that I worry about. No one talked about me dating allot of attractive women, or finishing high in my triathlon age group, or having stylish clothes. Part of keeping the end in mind is learning what to leave out.

Thanks for reading and Be well.
Gentoku
dharmatrainer.com

A gift to your future self - 7 habits

    So I've recently been reading the 7 Habits by the wonderful Dr. Covey. One of the things he suggests in the book is that you read the book with an eye towards teaching the concepts to others. So I thought one way to make that really hit home for me is to write a few blog posts about my reflections on the concepts he presents in relation to finding balance in both body and mind. 

    One of the concepts he introduces early on is the idea of finding a balance between P, which stands for production and PC, which stand for production capability. An easy way to think of this is when making coffee:  Coffee is the product, while the Coffee Maker is the production capacity. The goal is to find a balance between these two, so that produce the best product, while keeping your capacity at a sustainable level. 

    Often when we exercise we have a hard time striking the balance between the two, because they are both very intimate to us. When we seek balance through fitness, our bodies are both the P and the PC in this equation. We use our body, to improve our body. Of course there is something very poetic about that as well. In one way, it's very easy to maintain this balance, because the more effort we put into our body, the P, the more we build our fitness, the PC, which lets us put more effort into P. The problem comes when we separate ourselves from our bodies. When we make our bodies the problem. 

No matter what your fitness level your body is a product of 2 things:
1.Your karmic patterns.
2. Your mind. 

    Let's take a quick look at the first. Your body is a very clear example of karma. Karma can be very complicated, but fundamentally it's just cause and effect. You body is the result of a combination of causes. Things like heart disease are caused by family history (genetic cause), how active you were growing up (past cause), and what your diet is life (nutrition cause). This isn't supposed to make you critical of your actions. Instead thinking this way encourages us to notice,  'oh my body is a combination of factors some of which I can control, some of which I can't. This also means that your future body will be a result of current causes and conditions. I'm never going to be 6ft tall no matter how fit I get, but depending on what I do today I can change how fit I am in the future. What I do today is a gift to my future self. What gift do I want to give? 

    The second factor is your mind. Not only is our body image largely determined by our mind, but also our actual body represents the way in which our mind turns. Karma starts with a single thought, which then turns into repeated thoughts or actions or both. Those thoughts and actions turn into patterns, but it is all dependent on that original thought. When we bring more awareness to our minds we make it possible to see our thoughts and step in between them and the things that come afterwards. 

    Awareness it the key to transforming our way of thinking. By acknowledging that our current body is the result of past factors and past states of mind, it becomes clear how important it is to have a compassionate attitude and approach to our fitness. If we make our body the enemy to achieve fitness, we are focusing on the P but not the PC. We are focusing on the effects, but not the causes of our future self. Fitness must start with a gratitude for the body we have now. Your body is the vehicle that will take you where you want to go. If you treat it with honor and respect you will be giving your future self a body that has been honored and respected. If you treat it with disdain and criticism, you give your future self a body that has been criticized. Which body do you want to give yourself? 

    Take sometime at the end of the day or before you workout to reflect on all the good things your body has done for you. Reflect on how it's carried you along, digested your food, helped you do work, and all the other things you can do because you have a body. Then take some time to think about and write down the gifts you want to give your future self. More ease, more confidence, a half marathon finish, appreciation, whatever it is remember that your future self is relying on this very body, this very mind, to help it manifest. Your body and your mind are your companions, your teammates on the path to a balanced life. 

Thanks for reading and be well. 
Gentoku
dharmatrainer.com  

The Practice of Reflection: 33 one sentence journals.

I've taken up the practice of writing a twice a day 1 sentence journal. I learned this from the lovely Zen Habits Blog which I would highly recommend to others. It's a great way to start the practice of reflection. Reflecting on all these sentences I realized a couple of things.

1. That life is filled with a mix of somewhat profound discovery and mundane beauty, and that this mix is what makes life both bearable and satisfying.

2. Life seeks to teach us lessons by repetition and reflection helps us remember what we are trying to learn or unlearn as the case may be.

Try writing a one sentence journal this week. Do it at the same time everyday. Don't worry if what you write isn't profound. It's not about being poetic but just being really honest with where your at. Confession even to yourself is a very powerful act.

Thanks for reading and be well.

Gentoku dharmatrainer.com

Here are first 33 journals:

 The work of purifying the heart isn't all fuzzy warm hugs, sometimes it's acknowledging and drawing out the barbs from your own heart.

The next time a cute girl sits down next to me on the bus, I'm going to say hello.

 When I see pictures of us I realize I wish I had appreciated more how much you loved me and I wonder if anyone will ever love me like that again.

A true friend tells you the truth in a way that even when it hurts nourishes you.

Filling out a job history is like taking a trip down memory lane, with my brain going you really did alot of cool random things dude.

The night before the big race, tension, fear, excitement, and the intention to share the merit of my effort to serve wisdom and compassion.

I didn't cry when I finished my triathlon, but when my sister said I was her hero for doing it ... tears.

There's a kind of sweet tired feeling that overtakes the body; this satisfaction of being thoroughly used by life.

A day after my first tri a question arises, "What shall I do next another Olympic or a sprint?"

Cool soft milk poured into a bowl of sugar filled crunchy cereal, makes me feel just like a kid again.

To engage another in the exchange of honest reflection, helps me to grow and is always worth the risks.

Being in a choir again reminds me of the simple joy of first learning to sing.

Sometimes the best plan is to have no agenda, but to be present and available for whatever might arise.

It's good to remember that looking for work puts people in a very vulnerable and tender place, where defensiveness and justification are their armor.

Everytime I question whether I should exercise or meditate, I should remember that both give me a calm and space that soothes my heart.

It's satisfying to see myself making progress on letting things go to move onto what is next and it's effect on my punctuality.

There are few things as satisfying as being to be there for my friends, especially the ones that are always there for me.

There is something about some fundraising campaigns that really makes me question the integrity of their techniques.

Two days two job offers apparently I'm very professionally appealing. Who knew?

I now have my own website, YAY!

Bringing my teacher coffee is the simplest way I can express a gratitude and appreciation for the intimacy of his teaching.

Good conversation is its own reward.

It's very satisfying to be excited about promoting something I care about that I also want to do for a living.

I enjoy helping friends push their boundaries, but I am dedicated to focusing on empathy before information.

First day at the new job, excitement, boredom, stress, satisfaction, it feels good to be working.

Working often makes a long day.

It's hard to go to go to sleep when you feel lonely.

Working outside even when tiring is very pleasant.

 To listen deeply even if you don't agree is so powerful and nearly always opens my heart.

Sometimes it's very hard to know who exactly is your friend.

 Lateness cascades into lateness cascades into a pressure in my head, therefor timeliness very often leads to more peace.

I love riding my bike through the city at night, because there is something so alive about it.

The new little camaraderies that develop at any job are a sweet ripe fruit that delight the mind and heart.

It's good to feel engaged and involved in an area I feel confident and competent and know I can be relied upon.

I notice I often have a tendency to ask others more questions than I answer and perhaps this is because I'm reluctant to reveal how vulnerable I can really be.

Why be fit?

Why be fit?

There are so many choices about how to spend your time in this life. You could become an expert computer programmer, or cook, or wood worker, or New York Times crossword puzzle completer. So why be fit? Why should you spend your time working on create a healthier body? Especially considering that is will deteriorate no matter what you do.

The ephemeral nature of balance in the body can lead us to wonder why bother at all? If you spend more time working maybe you could buy a really, really, nice car that you can drive even if you're out of shape. But with fitness it takes constant and concerted effort to maintain your investment. Or if you've gotten older it may seem like it's not worth your time to build your body back up. There are many reasons compelling reasons why it's worth it to bring your relationship with your body into balance, but there are two that come up in my mind first.

First, there are few things in your life you will spend as much time with as your body, so it's better to make friends with it. Even if you decide that you don't want to be particularly athletic, regular exercise makes a friend out of your body. That's what friends do, they go out and have fun together. Maybe your idea of fun is sitting on the couch and munching some yummy snacks. Its very true that can be fun, but good friendship is more than just enjoying company. A good friend also pushes you to grow into all that you can be. Taking walks, getting outside, even going to the gym will assure that your friendship with your body has a deep and abiding quality.

The second reason is contained in the impermanent nature of fitness and the body. Working to find and maintain balance in our bodies is a constant dance that requires our love and attention. There is a joy that can be found in this devotion to health and well being. Of course this devotion can get out of control and become an obsession, but if managed well there are few things that can bring us that much joy. The fact that our fitness is something we have to tend to isn't an annoyance or an obsession but it is a wonderful gift. The job demands the best parts of ourselves and reminds us how alive we really are. If you've ever tended a garden, or taken care of a sick friend, or had a pet you have experienced this fully alive engagement .


Take some time this week to reflect on how you could become friends with your body? What can you do to make sure it's a long and mutually beneficial relationship? Then take some time to appreciate the dance of health. What have you learned to find balance and peace around? How could you bring the lessons and most importantly the joy you felt in that area into your everyday practice of exercise.

Thanks for reading and Be Well

Exercised centered life - 7 Habits

So I've done one post about the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Steven Covey, but just a reminder I am sharing this info to encourage myself to think about the lessons as if I was going to teach them, but also because I'm learning a lot about myself from reading the book.

 I recently read the section about finding your center, where Covey relates all the different things people center their lives around. I wondered about people who have fitness as their center. I wanted to reflect on my experience of having exercise at the center of my life.

This last year as my triathlon training picked up I found that exercise had become the center of my life. Well I should clarify that it wasn't just exercise, but fitness in general. 

The Ap
I had an ap on my phone where I obsessively put in calories, I measured all the metrics of my workouts, I read about triathlons, and very very often I didn't do other things because I wanted to workout. 

I got to work late because I wanted to get the last few laps in at the pool. I didn't go out with friends, so that I could get up early and exercise. In and of itself none of these things were a problem. 

There is nothing inherently wrong with choosing something like fitness or training over other things in your life. Many professional or even serious amateur athletes do this all the time. What was wrong, at least for me, was the place that this choice was coming from. 

Don't Screw Up
It was the place of trying really hard not to screw up. It was a place of insecurity, of confusion, and that lacked what Covey calls the 4 factors: security, wisdom, guidance, and power. 

I only felt secure when I had done the training program. I had little access to wisdom other than reliance on the plans wisdom. I was guided by the plan and found power only when I attended to it diligently.

Don't get me wrong there is a part of me that was and is happy that I was so one minded about my efforts. I had a great first olympic tri, my body got stronger. 

I built faith in my ability to apply myself. But instead of moving into training from a strong place of vow and clarity. 

I ran into it out of fear of what else might happen. Fear of the space that would be left if I didn't fill every moment of my life with training. 

How to Live
How often do we do this in our lives? Some people fill that space with food, or tv, others with exercise or information. 

Some of these fillers may be more skillful than others, but if they all come from a fear of what is at the center, or what might not be at center, they are all a bit off.

Many people think that people who are fit are better than those who aren't, especially if they are people who fill space with food and thus don't look as 'in shape' as the exercise centered people. 

In truth many people who are fit are just as scared as you are. In the long run I think exercise has great potential to clarify the mind, but it also has potential to cloud it. It's not about the strategy, but the center that it comes from.

Centered and Strong
When you move forward from a strong center, you greet the world with confidence. Even if you feel uncertain from time to time, that center becomes a force of gravity into which you can lean. Having a strong center is so powerful, because the worldly winds don't hold as much sway on you. 

There is a sense of being able to close your eyes and know in your heart that you are doing your best, by being who you are, with integrity and authenticity. There is hardly a better gift to give to your life and the lives of those around you.

MindFit Move Practice
Take a moment to reflect on a time in your life, where you became centered on some external thing. What did it feel like to be so dependent on something else for security, wisdom, guidance, and/or power? Then reflect on a time where you felt like you had a solid center. Maybe it was when you were much younger and perhaps even idealistic. What was different about that time in your life? What is the center of your life now? If you don't know what could you do to help clarify it?

Be Well.
 ​ 

To Read More or Sign Up Click here

A fine tuned machine

ANNOUNCEMENT!! Join the Be Fit To Sit: Mindfulness and Fitness Group starting
 Sunday Sept 23rd  3pm at Irving Park (Future meetings will alternate between NE and SE Portland)

To Read More or Sign Up Click here

Here we are testing a variety of things.

Spiritual practitioners of all walks have long used body movement as a way to ground the mind in the present moment. The goal of this group is to support the healthy function of the body in order to aid in the practice of meditation and mindfulness whether running, walking, cycling, swimming, standing, sitting, or lying down. ​ 

Members of this group are working towards fitness goals. You are welcome to join us in training for a goal event or just to improve your fitness.

Current goals are:
1.Run/walk the Holiday Half Marathon Dec 16th 2012
2. Run/walk the Holiday 5k Dec 16th 2012
3. Join a group of fun and mindful people to build fitness and mindfulness

No matter what your level of fitness you are welcome to join us. As a coach I will work with the group on a training plan to get you from the cushion to the finish line. Plans will be designed for the whole group, but I'm happy to offer advice and help to anyone needing personal consideration.

Cost: First Week Free! Sliding scale $10 - $20 per week or $35 -  $75 for the month.
If cost is a concern for you please contact me so we can talk about it. 
info@dharmatrainer.com

To Read More or Sign Up Click here

I attended an event the other night for my Buddhist Sangha where we were treated to an amazing performance by a classically trained Indian dancer.  At first I had been watching the performance from the back of the room where I was running the sound, but on the longest piece I moved forward so I could sit very close and watch her dance. I was amazed when I got right down next to her how much different the experience was when I was closer to her. It was engrossing.


There was this human body in front of me displaying the nimble expression of emotion and spirit. You could see tendons stretching, muscles taut and flexing. You could see and even feel this gentle, springy poise and strength. It was beautiful. And it struck me that not only was this dancers body a thing of beauty, but the reality is every human body is a fine tuned machine. How often in training have I treated my own body like a old clunker?

There is a tendency sometimes to treat the body like it must be whipped into shape. If we just bang on it enough then the old TV set will show the picture we want to see, a fit form of beauty. When I started training for triathlons this year I often would skimp on the warm up and then try to run as fast as I could, pushing my pace. I didn't respect the fine details and all the delicate parts, that make up my system. And guess what happened? You got it, I started getting little injuries, little cracks in my system. First it was shin splints, then I had IT band problems. Part of me thought it was just that I hadn't worn my body in yet. But I realize now that it's because I didn't work with the subtlety of my own form. My zen teacher used to tell me, "never force mechanical things, if it isn't moving there is a reason, take the time to figure out what it is."

This advice is essential for anyone seeking a balanced body and mind. Often the language used by the fitness industry acts, as if the body is a piece of steel, that can be heated and pounded into form. In reality our bodies are more complex than a super fancy sports car or fighter jet. By doing things like warming up properly, exercising with a sense of awareness, stretching, and engaging is an exercise plan that builds strength and conditioning over time, we can honor the fine tuned nature of our body. But if we ignore what our body is saying at every turn, push it beyond what we can do at the time, and fail to treat it with respect, we reap the results of that attitude.

This isn't to say, that when seeking to have a better fit there will be no discomfort. There does need to be a bit of pushing and cajoling that occurs. But we must do our best to find the balance between pushing and forcing. Discomfort is ok, maybe even a little ache or pain occasionally, but in general consistent persisten pain is best avoided.

Take some time this week and reflect on a time when you haven't treated either your body, a relationship, or another piece of fine tuned machinery roughly or cavalierly. What was the result? What if you had tried a more gentle approach? Then think about what could you do to manifest respect for your body in your life this week.

Maybe you could honor your body with a healthy meal. High end cars often need special fuel. Or, if you have chronic injury, finding a warm up routine that helps strengthen that area. Or you could even try taking better care of your body by taking a bath, or getting massage, or even just thanking your body for helping you out. No matter what it is, if we treat our bodies like a fined tuned machine, our bodies are much more likely to respond in kind.

HEY! What do you think of the post?
I'm refining my style and would love feedback.
Feel free to email me gentoku@dharmatrainer.com
or leave comments below

Thanks and Be Well
Gentoku

Tri Truth: Getting Off Balance

Ok here it goes ... ::DEEP BREATH:: I fell on my bike during my first triathlon. I know I know the shame the shame. (avert your eyes please)

When I was a preschool teacher I remember telling my students about how I fell off my bike. Many of them couldn't believe that I did this. For little kids they think adults can't make the same mistakes they do. They rarely see adults make these mistake and even when they do adults are quick to redirect their attention. Part of that is that as we get older we are less and less willing to look foolish in front of others. Usually our technique for doing this is by avoiding risking anything that might make us fall or stumble in a clear and obvious way.

During my first olympic triathlon there was a water hand off point about mid way on the bike course. That is where nice folks hand out water to thirsty cyclists. During the hand off of said water I had a mishap in which I veered off the road onto some gravel, my bike slid, and hit the ground pretty hard. I wasn't injured (except for my pride), but I had to put the chain back on, realign the brakes, and try to make up for lost time. After the race I had a chance to reflect and see what the lesson might be.

The first thing I reflected on was why I tried to get the water in the first place. I had plenty of water on my bike and I didn't really need a drink. So why risk it? I realized that 2 things had happened the moment before that led to my choice. One was that I saw the guy in front of me grab the water with skill and ease. He took a little sip and then tossed the rest over his body. The second was I thought to myself 'hmm a little water would feel refreshing right now.'

I realized that this pattern is something I can observe in other parts of my life. I observe someone doing something that from the outside looks easy and satisfying. Then I long for that perceived satisfaction and grasp at it. Soon after I realize that their ease is not my ease and often I realize this as I am falling. The lesson I take away from this is that I need to learn to be satisfied with the path I'm on. Another's satisfaction is not my satisfaction.

As we begin to try something new we might see others doing something cool, like a cool workout routine, or maybe some new way to run. We may read about it online or just see someone doing it at the gym or park. Then we think they look so fit and happy doing that, maybe what I am doing is wrong and that's the way to get to where I want to be. So we try it out and maybe it works or maybe we get hurt, because we don't know what were doing. In either case this lasts until the next cool thing comes along.

It takes great faith to stick with what you have sometimes and see it through to the end. Now I'm not saying you should blindly follow one routine if it isn't working. Experimentation, innovation, and discovery are essential tools for growth whether it be physically mentally or spiritually. But there is a difference between deciding to change course and veering suddenly off course to grab at some perceived satisfaction. It's the latter we must be careful about.

Having said all of that I think it's always important to learn from your mistakes. So besides the lesson above I learned 3 additional things.
1. Taking a water hand off on a bike is a learned skill I would like to have.
2. If all I want is a splash of water it's better to ask for help rather than to try to do it all myself.
3. There are much worse things than falling.

Take some time to reflect on some perceived satisfaction you have grasped at on your path. Reflect on how that has worked out for you. Did you get what you sought? What would have happened if you had stayed the course? Were you able to get back on track? Then reflect on a time where you made wise discernment about changing courses. How did that feel different? Where did that desicion come from? What steps could you take to make sure your future choices are aligned with that same wisdom?

I remember when my nephew was learning and mastering walking he fell pretty regularly, but when he fell he fell with a certain amount of grace. I realized after my first tri that the trick is to fall with grace. That there is a balance even in falling.

Tri Truth: A Gift To Your Future Self

I learned at my 1st Olympic length triathlon that expected performance may not look the way you think it's going to. I trained hard to improve my swim times for my race and I swam a little slower than I had hoped, but not too much slower. I swam at a 1:53 per 100yd pace. Which is faster then what I can swim at the pool (my wetsuit helps improve my time.) But even though I swam at a good pace for me (and I am aware that it is a slow pace for Tri swims) I was near the end of the pack in swimming. Coming out of the water I was in 50th place.

I remember during my tri looking around at the swim exit and thinking man I am really slow. How could I have been that slow? But when I looked at my time after the race I realized I swam just as fast as I could have. I realized that my internal dynamics said 'you are performing at your peak,' but the comparison said 'you are under performing.'

This is an easy trap to get caught in whether it be a single race or the overall 'fitness race'. In our society where we are inundated with media images of fitness, it can seem like there is a fitness race we are always losing. Even among people we know we may admire or envy someone who is more fit than us. I have heard again and again you must race your race. The illusion of comparison is that it gives us a good view of what the field is really like. In reality it only gives us a good view of our own mind.

A month before my tri I did a 350m swim and couldn't even do freestyle the entire time. From that place maintaining a 1:53 pace for 1000+ meters was amazing. The mind that arose during the race was the mind of I can't do it, I'm not prepared, look how much better everyone else is doing. But that moment was a snippet in time, not just from my life but from all of theirs. I don't know how many races they've done, or how many years they have trained, I don't know what kind of karma in their lives motivates them. If I showed you a few frames out of a movie and asked you to tell me how good the movie was what would you say? Likely you would say I just don't have enough information. But we do this with our lives all the time. We take a few frames out of a movie and BAM! make a judgement on how we are doing.

I walked out of the grocery store a few weeks ago and saw 3 couples holding hands. I though to myself man everyone I know is in a relationship except for me. What's wrong with me? Why can't I get a girlfriend? and on and on. I watched my mind spin this whole story from one little scene. It's important to reflect on the whole of our lives and challenges. When I reflect on my swimming in this way I see I improved so much. I went from someone who couldn't swim with his head totally in the water 5 months back, to someone who couldn't swim 350meters without switching to breast stroke, to swimming 1000+ meters at a 1:53 pace. THAT'S A HUGE IMPROVEMENT. I doubt many of my competitors could say they improved that much over the last few months. As we get better improvement slows, yet we are often hardest on ourselves at the beginning because we still feel so far behind.

Take some time to reflect on the film of your life. Think of scenes of defeat and reflect what did you or can you learn from them. (Here's a hint if the lesson is I can't do this or I'm such a failure something like it that's not a lesson. That's criticism. The real lesson is more like wow I noticed when I hit a road block I got depressed and fell off track. I wonder what would happen if the next time I hit a road block I tried my best to keep going) Then reflect on scenes of victory: what made then so enjoyable? where did the strength come from to do it? what did those moments move you towards? For example: After my 350m swim I realized I wasn't ready for my big tri swim. So went to the pool as much as possible and starting working harder to get in shape. I learned that when I realized I wasn't where I wanted to be the only thing to do was redouble my efforts. To be patient with myself yes, but also to match my effort to the achievement of my long term goals.

Reflecting on virtue is one of the things that leads us to more peace and acceptance of ourselves and others. Don't just take snippet from your life, appreciate the richness that the whole picture has to offer. Use it as place to encourage you to step forward with confidence. Everything you do today is a gift to your future self.