Gregorian Calendars Are Stupid

Gregorian Calendars Are Stupid

You see sister, we made it all up!

Most resolutions don’t last more than a couple of months. A good rule for life is to stop making rules, especially ones that don’t work. Here are 5 reasons your resolutions won’t work and 5 practices that actually might.

1. I Resolve to Be Miserable. 

If your resolution is to stop eating sugar or watching TV you’ll probably have a hard time. You’re basically resolving to not do things you enjoy. You can’t get anywhere by rejecting who you are. Instead you need to learn to honor and then co-opt these parts of yourself.

MindFitMove Practice: Instead of asking yourself to reject parts of yourself find a way to embrace other parts of yourself. Try to do more of what you love, especially if it’s something that leads to more balance.

If you love cycling, then try to cycle once a week for a month. If you love making fresh kale, then make a new kale dish every week for a month. Seeking misery leads to misery. Instead, seek the joys that lead to a mindful and balanced life.

2. It’s A Can’t Do Attitude

In the world of non-violent communication requests should be clear, doable, and on a reasonable time scale. If you couldn’t ask your partner or friend to promise it, then don’t resolve it.

“Sweetie would you be willing to stop eating sugary snacks?” This is not a doable request. It’s unclear what a sugary snack might be and how long the promise is being made for.

Try this instead, “Sweetie, for the next month, would you be willing to have a piece of fruit instead of ice cream after dinner?” In the second example the request is clear, doable, and on a reasonable timetable.

MindFitMove Practice: Take one ‘resolution’ and turn it into a doable request with a reasonable time scale. Remember that a reasonable time scale is different for everyone. If you are quitting smoking it may be one day, if it’s taking a new class it may be one month. Experiment and find what works for you.

3.  Getting To No!

Adults rely too heavily on NO! It’s the first word many children learn, because it’s the word they hear most often. When I was a preschool teacher I learned that saying NO! to kids doesn’t work very well. Instead we always tried to find something we could say YES! to.

MindFitMove Practice: Instead of setting a strict rule that says NO! NO! NO! find one that says YES! Instead of saying no to snacking, say yes to snacking on more veggies and fruit. If you eat a piece of fruit half way between each meal, you will likely eat less sugary snacks and fruit has quite a bit of healthy sugar in it.

4. No Reflection? Maybe You’re A Vampire

Many people make resolutions without asking 2 important questions:

1. What will I get/be if I maintain this practice?

2. What will I have to give up to make this practice work?

Making changes is hard, but often resolutions are made in the spur of the moment or without much planning. People don’t take the time to consider what it takes to transform their life. Instead of making short hand resolutions, make plans for life long transformation.

MindFitMove Practice: Instead of making a resolutions, set aside some time to write down 3 things you’d like to do this year. Agree to sit down and write down these goals and answer the 2 questions above. Then decide if the answer to the first question is worth the answer to the second. If it is, remind yourself of this often. If it isn’t, pick some new goals you are prepared to do.

5. The Transformation Will Not Be Scheduled 

Like the title of this post indicates, the schedule for your transformation is not Gregorian. Your transformation happens on your own schedule and pace. A better time to start might be February, June, Or September. The best time is the time when you do start with full awareness.

This isn’t an excuse to encourage you to procrastinate, but if this is a bad time or if you are already transforming then maybe something new won’t help.

Try and be honest with yourself. Maybe you feel more motivated to exercise when it’s warmer so start your workout program on the first day of spring. Maybe you are exhausted from visiting family; give yourself a few weeks to rest before you take on a new challenge. 

MindFitMove Practice: Cycles are important to reflect on your progress, but they aren’t always your best guides. The key to life long transformation is mindfulness and awareness. Use these tools to asses what is a reasonable and doable for you. No matter what you decide, focus on being mindful. If you decide not to change your eating habits, notice what that’s like. If you decide to change the way you eat, notice what that’s like.

What’s Next?

My goal is to support people walking the path of transformation. These 5 practices will help you get started, but transformation takes time and practice.

If you are ready to take the next step, there are 2 easy ones to take

1. Sign Up For the Mindful Fitness Movement Blog

You get a FREE eBook A Zen Buddhist Guide to Fitness just for signing up and at least 3 times a week you will get mindfulness practices, advice, and encouragement to support your path of transformation.

2. Join the Mindful Fitness Movement Team

As a member of the team you will get:

1.     Free - A Zen Buddhist Guide to Fitness – upon Signing Up

2.     Free - Awareness eBook– on the 15^th of January

3.     Discounts - on a new eBook every month on the 15^th

4.     Answers to questions about your Mindful Fitness practice via email or Skype.

How does fierce compassion work? – Mantra practice

In my last post I began answering a question by Amanda Risser a spiritual practitioner and roller derby queen. My initial response to her was too long for one post so here is the second part. 

Here is a brief recap of her question:

Here's my current challenge:
- I am working on being more effective at performing the kinds of blocking and hitting that exists in my sport.
- I struggle with finding a place within myself to draw the kind of energy that is helpful in doing so.
- My blocks and hits are suffering from over thinking and hesitation. They need to be more fluid and easy. Some of this will come with more practice and skill; the rest needs to come from a different connection between body and brain.
- Many of my teammates work on this by vocalizing or imagining they are hitting someone they hate, or visualizing some kind of animal that helps them connect with the aggression.

I don't feel comfortable harming someone I hate (and can't figure out if there is anything or anyone I 'hate' anyway) and visualizing an animal being aggressive doesn't help, and actually gets in the way! (…) I think that I'm a better contact sport player the more I take care to be an excellent sportswoman, teammate, opponent which seems more controlled and responsible than a wild dog. Compassion and care is wrapped up in there somewhere but I'm having a hard time untangling it.

Any thoughts?

Zen masters through the ages have been anything but gentle and often their actions helped their students achieve awakening. These masters had high intentions when they acted in a fierce way.  In addition they also used fierce compassion with a great amount of skill.

First, it’s important to set down what your intentions are for your roller derby. When writing down intentions don’t just state the obvious. For example if you are trying to exercise more you might say, “I exercise more so that I can be in better shape.” Instead try to think about why you want to be in shape.

Maybe you want to live longer to spend time with your family. Maybe you want to look better so you will feel more confident. Maybe you want to block better so you can support your team. Whatever your deeper intentions are write those down.

Then once you have those intentions try writing a simple dedication, prayer, or motto that states those intentions. One dedication I have used is, “I am as impermanent as everything else. Nothing I will do can change this. I dedicate the merit of my effort to the freeing of all living beings. May my every action embody my deep vows, strengthen my mind, and open my heart.”

Next extend your dedication using mantra practice. For example, when I am cycling uphill on my bike, I chant internally, “Transforming karma, I ride for the dharma!” This mantra extends my intention to spread compassion through my actions.

When I use this mantra, I find I am more present with both the pain and the joy of a challenging task. The mantra helps me not think too much about the discomfort. In addition it brings my intention and actions into alignment.

Try to create a mantra you can say each time you block a person. For starters you could try the loving kindness mantras: may you be free from suffering. Try striking on the last word for emphasis. If that’s too long you might try a shortened version. You might just say, “BE FREE!”

It doesn't really matter what words you use so long as they:

1. Are simple and easy to remember.

2. Resonate with your hearts desire.

If you were to combine the two practices of intention setting and mantras I believe you will be able to overcome your hesitation. The most important thing is that you be clear about your intentions and then use tools that are in alignment with them.  If you can do that any practice you engage in will help to free yourself and those around you from suffering.

How does fierce compassion work? - Visualization

So here is the question the was posed to me recently by a spiritual practitioner and roller derby queen Amanda Risser:

Here's my current challenge:
- I am working on being more effective at performing the kinds of blocking and hitting that exists in my sport.
- I struggle with finding a place within myself to draw the kind of energy that is helpful in doing so.
- My blocks and hits are suffering from over thinking and hesitation. They need to be more fluid and easy. Some of this will come with more practice and skill; the rest needs to come from a different connection between body and brain.
- Many of my teammates work on this by vocalizing or imagining they are hitting someone they hate, or visualizing some kind of animal that helps them connect with the aggression.

I don't feel comfortable harming someone I hate (and can't figure out if there is anything or anyone I 'hate' anyway) and visualizing an animal being aggressive doesn't help, and actually gets in the way! My friend thinks of herself as a mean dog with no muzzle and that image just leaves me feeling concerned. I think that I'm a better contact sport player the more I take care to be an excellent sportswoman, teammate, opponent which seems more controlled and responsible than a wild dog. Compassion and care is wrapped up in there somewhere but I'm having a hard time untangling it. There is a kind of admiration and joy (and also pain!) that I feel when I'm effectively blocked or hit during play. When I can perform the same way and execute an effective and legal block or hit against my opponents, it feels good to help my team, I appreciate the way that it connects me to my body and my strength and I am grateful to the sport and how I am part of a very delightful group of folks engaged in a kind of vigorous and joyful and strong common effort. I feel lucky to have a body right now that can do such cool stuff and know that my body will change: it could change in an instant if I break my leg during play, it will change over time and I won't be able to skate for ever.

I would love some kind of role models or practice tips or imagery that could be helpful. My friend suggested samurai. I don't know much about that but my love for derby feels more communal and connecting than I imagine samurai to be but I'm not sure.

Any thoughts?

First I want to thank Amanda for her honesty and her question. I also want to thank her for letting me use her words in my blog.

The world of fitness and sport can at times feel very out of alignment with spiritual practice and a balanced way of living.

One of the reasons I have felt so inspired to help start the mindful fitness movement is that I believe true transformation is possible through awareness and exercise. The current fitness paradigm and sport mentality is built largely on critical commentary, aggressive language, and a subversion of peace for achievement.

I don’t think that this is the way it has to be; in fact I think we would be better off with an approach that utilized fierce compassion, motivated affirmation, and loving determination. But let me step down off my soapbox for a minute and address Amanda’s question more directly.

The key to overcoming your hesitation Amanda, lies not in rejection of compassion for something more aggressive. I think it lies in your appreciation of you body and your strength.  In your question I can feel the tension between your love of your fellow players and the need to strike them with fervor.

The problem with our view of compassion is that it is often limited to a notion of motherly compassion.  We see compassion as necessarily a tender hand and a gentle guiding, but compassion also has a fiercer side.

Think of the mother bear defending her cubs from the wolf. The bear doesn’t hate the wolf, but attacks to protect her cubs alone. One visualization you could use would be of a mother bear knocking away a predator from her cubs.

Another visualization would be to try to see what blocking with compassion might look like. Closing your eyes you might start by visualizing a perfect clean hit. A hit that does its job, but nothing else. There is nothing extra to this hit, no anger, or aggression.

As you come into contact with the other person imagine merit, or white energy, or love passing from you into them. This isn’t the kind of merit, energy, or love that has a gentle hand. This a potent love, like when a good friend tells you a hard truth you need to hear, or perhaps the swift hand of a stranger grabbing you before you step out into traffic.

For a moment your life and their life are in contact. In that moment there is a great and powerful intimacy. Appreciate that closeness and thank them for being so present with you.

Try doing any of these visualizations before your go to bed at night and again before you practice or participate in a match. Whatever we visualize we can realize.