Speaking In A Minefield

Speaking In A MinefieldSpeaking is like walking through a minefield blindfolded. We are so focused on ourselves we often fail to see that our words have blown up. Our meaning has been scattered to the winds but we are none the wiser.

Here are three communication mines we face, as teachers, students, managers, and employees.

1. ConfidenceThe correct amount of confidence is tricky. Have too much confidence and you lose connection. Have too little confidence and no one listens.

You have to be honest about what you don’t know. At the same time, you have to feel ok about your limitations.

When I work with my teaching partner in Yoga school, I notice that I’m most effective when I’m calm, but not cocky. Whenever I think I know exactly what to do, I lose her.

Confidence has to do with our ability to be aware and present. When I’m attentive and focused, I give clear directions.

Life is more than just knowing it all. Experience is great but only when it gives us more space to be present.

2. ProjectionWe usually project what we want to see. We miss all the things that make others unique. Without this data, we can never connect with them.

Nevertheless, I’ve found some projection is necessary for effective communication.

When directing someone into a Yoga pose you have to project your own understanding of the movements onto your student. At the same time, you have to hold an awareness of how your words are affecting their body.

This balancing act is present in all communication. If we notice our words losing impact it’s great to check in on how we are projecting and whether or not it’s working.

3. Frustration/confusionAs a teacher, my students don’t owe me anything. As a friend, employee, or even manager the same is true.

Having authority can lead us to believe we are entitled to be listened to. However, this attitude is rarely helpful.

Instead, we must try to make our communication accessible.

When I was working with my Yoga partner I noticed frustration arising when I gave a direction and she didn’t do anything.

She may have been following the instruction already. She may have not understood. She may have thought my directions were wrong.

Why she didn’t move doesn’t matter. My job as her teacher is to make my directions work for her. This asks me to I invite rather than command her to act.

In every situation, we should always work towards invitation. This has more to do with the attitude we bring than the words we use.

The key is remembering that we are indebted to our listener. They have given us their attention. We must repay this gift with the calm attention and clarity.

MindFitMove Practice- Think of something you'd like to communicate to someone: A partner, friend, co-worker, student, or boss.
- Take a few minutes and write out exactly what you want to say.
- Then put this aside for a couple hours or a couple of days.
- When you come back too it read it out loud to yourself.
- Try reading it with confidence and then with uncertainty.
- Try reading it imagining their face in a scowl and then in a smile.
- Try reading it as a demand and then as an invitation.
- Then reflect of these tests and rewrite the phrase.
- Finally try expressing this idea to them keeping in mind the 3 mines you learned about in this post.

What is Mindfulness? 5 Tips For A Mindful Birthday

5 Tips For A Mindful Birthday.

I shall now predict the weather

Today is my birthday. No, I didn’t see my shadow, but thanks for asking.

Birthdays are a great opportunity to reflect on a year of life.

They’re a time to celebrate your struggles, accomplishments, and dreams. They’re also a great opportunity to ease some restrictions you have in life.

In that sprit, here are my 5 steps to a Mindful, Joyful Birthday.

1. Remember It’s Not About You – When I was living at Great Vow Zen Monastery we didn’t celebrate birthdays. It’s a long-standing tradition there for good reasons. No one makes a lot of money so gifts are a bit odd, and with so many people, you’d have birthday parties all the time.

Birthdays can put a lot of pressure on us. Like any big holiday our expectations are high and thus your chance of disappointment is high.

So every birthday, I remember the best way to celebrate is to make it about the joy being alive. But I don’t need to make it all about me.

2. Reflect On a Year of Living.

Instead of focusing on regrets, take this time to just reflect on what a whole year of life has held. 

Think about all the unexpected things that happened. Think about all the little accomplishments, the small acts of kindness, courage, and determination.

If we look for these moments, we will find them scattered throughout our lives. This is a great time to appreciate the vast content in a year of life.

3. Set goals

After taking in the past it’s a great time to look into the future. Write a personal mission statement, make some new vows, and set some new goals.

Set a goal for the day after your birthday, for the week after you birthday, for the month after your birthday, and for the next year of your life.

Make them small, achievable goals. But put them down in writing and post them somewhere you can see them. Write them daily.

The actions we do today is a gift to our future self. So start next year’s birthday gift to yourself today.

If you need help, these posts explain some processes I’ve gone through to set goals for my life.

Vows goal and intentions

The Eulogy project

4. Ease up on restrictions

Don’t go crazy, but give yourself a break from some of your restrictions today. Eat some cake. Goof around. Have some fun. You can always spend a little more time next week working it off.

If we are too strict for too long it wears us out. It’s important to make easing restrictions and breaking a few small rules a healthy part of our routine.

Your birthday is a great time to do this.

5. Spend Time Alone

I’m very good about making time for other people, but not making time for myself.

This birthday I’m going to spend 30 – 60 minutes alone in silence. I’ll probably go on a run or walk.

You can spend this time doing some of these other reflections, but I would encourage you to leave some of this time open.

Birthdays are a natural touchstone of our lives. They are a chance to connect with a deeper part of ourselves.  

Silence and space give those parts of us a chance to arise.

Thanks for reading my blog on my birthday.

If you want to get me a birthday gift, here are 3 things you can do.

1. Subscribe to my mailing list: You actually get a free e-book as a birthday gift from me.

2. Share this blog post on your, twitter-book-press account.

3. Comment below and tell me: What special thing do you like to do on your birthday?

5 "I'm Too Busy" Exercise Tips

Everyone gets busy. Busy leads to stress. Stress leads to overwhelm. Overwhelm leads to a life out of balance. When things get hectic, being aware becomes a survival skill.

Get outside, and get moving!

One of the first habits to fall away when we're busy is exercise. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Here are 5 tips to keep exercising when you’re busy.

1. Take a new class –

The type of class doesn’t matter. It just needs to be regular. I’ve used this technique to try out boxing, swimming, and crossfit.

The main reason this works is the times are set. Often our day expands to whatever time we have. Classes force us to commit to a block of time, 1 -3 days a week.

(HINT: I don’t recommend getting a gym membership. Here’s why: The big gym business model is based on people not coming. There’s no urgency with a gym. We can always tell ourselves we’ll do it later. With a class, if we don’t go we lose money. )

2. Get a workout buddy –

If I’m the only one expecting me to get up and run at 6am, it won’t last. A workout buddy holds you accountable. They share the struggle with you. They also multiply the joy.

I was talking to a fellow trainer recently about successful transformation. She identified community as one essential factor of transformation.

A workout buddy is a great way to start building that community. It’s also a way to make exercise an act of service. Because you’ll be helping your buddy as much as they are helping you.

3. Short intense workouts –

One way to fit a workout into a busy day is a short intense workout.

Short workouts involve several full body exercises performed one right after another. This gets lots of muscle groups at the same time. It also gets our heart rate going.

One of my favorite ones is what I call the 5 x 10. It’s a set of 3 exercises a squat thrust, a squat jump, and a mountain climber. You perform each exercise 10 times and then go to the next exercise. Then you rest for 60 – 90 seconds and start all over again. You repeat this 5 times.

This routine takes less than 20 – 30 mins, but every time I do it, I’m amazed at how tired I get.

(Click here to watch a video of this routine)

Too Much

Too intense? Bad knees? No problem. You can this technique with any three exercises.

You could do air squats, 5 second planks, and running in place for 30 seconds. You could do two arm dumbbell curls, tricep curls, and lunges.

The important thing is to do 3 exercises back to back. Then take a short break. Repeat 3-10x.

For the best results,

1. Pick exercises that work more than one part of your body.
2. Pick exercises that are challenging but within your comfort zone.

4. Exercise first thing in the morning –

I’ve tried exercising at all hours of the day. I’ve found that I enjoy exercise whenever I do it. I’ve also found I’m more consistent if I do it in the morning.

We can never know what the day is going to hold for us. Things are always coming up that eat up time. Often the time that get’s eaten is the time for exercise.

If you are going to exercise early in the day, you might to start getting up earlier. I just read a great article in Zen Habits about how to start this habit.

Leo Babuta recommends that you start by waking up just a few minutes earlier everyday. Shift your waking schedule slowly, so you don’t throw your body out of whack.

5. Create a workout schedule –

Creating a workout schedule seems like a simple thing. Nevertheless, the act of planning makes a huge difference. Just writing down your goals and then recording your progress can keep you on track.

One simple and easy way to start increasing your activity is called a periodization. I used a periodization plan to train for triathlons last year. It’s effective at helping slowly build volume.

It’s a simple. You start with a weekly goal. Say running 20 mins 3x a week. Then you increase that activity by 10% each week for 3 weeks. On the fourth week, you rest and decrease activity by 40%. Then on the fifth week, you increase by 66%.

Ok maybe not that simple. I created a excel spreadsheet that does all the math for you.

You can get it by clicking here.

The beauty of this plan is how simple it is. The downside is how simple it is. It doesn’t take into account cross training, sport specific strength training, or many other factors.

Workout Plan Tips

1. Always rest a one day a week. The body builds more muscle on rest days then any other.

2.  Respect rest weeks. These weeks are designed to make sure your progress is sustainable.

3.  Start slow with a new exercise plan. Consult your physician, if you have injuries or any cardio vascular or respiratory illness.

Conclusion

By using these 5 tips, you can make exercise part of your daily life. When we are busy, it’s more important than ever to stay active.

Some activities, like meditation, spending time with loved ones, and exercise, create more time. When we engage in self-care, we get more space, clarity, and energy. These mean a smoother day and a more efficient, happier you.

Don’t let your busy life throw you off balance. Be creative and find a way to bring moments of stillness and movement into your life everyday.

What Is Mindfulness? – Start Today

What Is Mindfulness? – Start Today

Hey, You! Pay Attention!

People seem to think mindfulness is complicated, but it’s actually very simple. Mindfulness means paying attention. Sure I know what you’re thinking, “I’m already paying attention.” But what are paying attention to?

We have million things to pay attention to. We pay attention to Email, to Facebook, to Reddit, to Google, to iPhones, and to TV. In the past decade the things we pay attention to have grown exponentially. Which means there is less of our attention to see what’s going on in our heads.

It’s Kids Play

When I was a kid I always thought my mom had eyes in the back of her head. She always knew when I was trying to pull something off. I didn’t fully understand this until I took a job teaching preschool.

It’s easy to tell when kids are getting into trouble. They look suspicious, they get really quiet, and something is clearly going on. Kids don’t realize how obvious they are. From their perspective you seem super human when you catch them.

The reason teachers and parents can catch little kids sneaking around is they have a larger perspective. The kid’s perspective is this little box, but the parents can see the big picture.

Zoning In

You’ve probably already had this experience. It happens a lot to people when they exercise. It’s often called, ‘being in the zone.’ Your mind opens up and you aren’t so focused on the small things. Instead, you get a big picture view of your life.

This is why exercise is so therapeutic; it helps us make this shift. People have told me they love exercise, because it helps them process their day, see things in a new way, and even solve problems.

A-HA!

Sometimes this shift in perspective is more dramatic. There are moments when, all of a sudden, we shift from the little box to the big picture. It feels like we’ve woken up out of a fog and we can see clearly at last. We call them epiphanies, realizations, or A-ha moments.

In one moment our whole perspective on the world and our lives changes. These moments give us great joy and can start us on the path of enduring transformation.

What’s amazing is we don’t have to wait around for these moments to happen. We can plant the seeds for these life-changing moments everyday. We just have to have the right tools.

That is what the Mindful Fitness Movement is all about. Exercise will help you have a more fit body, but if your mind is still clouded you’ll have the same problems in a slimmer body. Mindfulness can help you be calm and relaxed, but without taking action you can slip into dullness.

When you combine these two practices your life will become a give and take of realization and actualization. The fitness practice helps clear your mind and the mindfulness practice gives you the confidence to keep going.

When you engage in mindful fitness, you can do more then simply create a healthy mind and fit body.  You can reduce your suffering, grow inside and out, and change your life for the better. I know because I’ve lived this transformation first hand.

A 5-Minute Solution

So you might be thinking GREAT! But how the heck do I practice mindfulness? My life is hectic and I can hardly find time to exercise. Mindfulness is the realm of monks, new agers, and yoga teacher, but in truth mindfulness is for everyone.

The great thing about mindfulness is that you can start by practicing for just 5 – 10 minutes a day. You’ll be amazed by how big a difference 5 minutes a day makes. You just have to be willing to give it a try.

MindFitMove Practice

There are two simple practices that take 5 minutes or less a day:

The 5-Minute Meditation

Meditation can seem daunting, but it doesn’t have to be. Here is an easy way to get started. Just follow these three rules

1.     Meditate for 1 – 3 breaths at a time.

2.     Start with 5 minutes a day.

3.     Do it regularly

     (Great times to start the meditation habit are before or after exercise, first thing in      the morning, or last thing at night)

Here is a simple meditation you can try.

• Pay attention to your breath as it goes in
• Notice as it switches from in to out
• Pay attention to your breath as it goes out
• After 1 – 3 breaths stop
• How did you do? This isn’t about good or bad. It’s just about checking in.
• OK now start again

Remember it’s totally normal for your mind to wander. That’s why we stop after just a couple of breaths. Meditation isn’t about laser focus for hours (unless you are a Zen master). It’s about working out our attention muscles. Little by little meditation helps us create space in our lives.

The One Sentence Journal

Journaling can seem like this huge endeavor, but it can actually be very simple.

For years I started and stopped journals, because I thought I had to write a chapter a night. After all, what will the ghostwriter use for my memoir? Then I discovered one-sentence journaling.

The concept is simple: Just write one sentence about your day everyday. It can be mundane, profound, or silly, but write one everyday. This makes reflection an easy daily practice. If you want to see some of mine you can go to twitter.com/MindFitMove or search for the #1senjournal on twitter.

Magic

The key is to do these practices whole-heartedly. These practices will support you in creating a healthy mind and fit body. If you do one of both of these practices everyday for a month, you will be amazed what you will learn about yourself.

You’re Not Alone

No one can walk the path for you, but that doesn’t mean you have to walk it alone. My mission is to support anyone who wants to reduce suffering, grow inside and out, and change his or her life for the better. 

Get started is by signing up for The Mindful FitnessMovement Blog. You will receive new practices 3-4 times a week to help you build a healthy mind and fit body. As a thank you I’ll send you a free eBook that has 10 simple Mindful Fitness practices to start transforming your life today.

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The next step is to join MindFitTeam. MindFitTeam is a community of like-minded individuals who use mindful fitness practices to maintain a balanced approach to enduring transformation.

MindFitTeam members get

• 2 One on One Mindful Fitness coaching sessions a month
• 3 webinars a year about a different mindful fitness topic
• Answers to your questions and challenges
• And a Monthly eBook full of daily practice tips, insight, and support

Right now the first month and eBook on Awareness are free and after that it’s just $29 a month. I always offer a full no questions asked money back guarantee. If at any time you don’t feel you’ve gotten your moneys worth out of any of my offerings I’ll be happy to refund your money.

Click Here to Join For Free

No matter who you are or what your fitness goals are, Mindful Fitness can get you there in a balanced and sustainable way. Whenever you’re ready to start your mind and body fitness journey please let me know. I can’t wait to help you make Mindful Fitness part of your life.